I was talking to a friend yesterday, and I mentioned the movie (and book) One Day. I said that when I watched it in the cinema in 2011 I sobbed because I knew that my life and Twin Flame relationship would mirror it. We had only been together less than a year, but there had already been a few breakups, and I recognised the patterns played out on screen as being the same as ours.

Now I can identify them as the anxious and avoidant attatchment styles, but back then, I could see a woman who wanted to be a writer, who worked in shitty restaurants, who wanted to move to Paris… who was in love with a boy who could not commit. Add in the fact that people had told me I looked like Anne Hathaway in the Princess Diaries (before the makeover, not after!) and it felt like One Day was a prophecy.

Fifteen years later, I can see that oh boy, was I right. It was indeed a prophecy.

Yet I still allowed it to play out. Still participated willingly in the cycle, hopping on and off the merry-go-round like someone with an all-season pass.

Though I have no regrets, I do have questions. Why did I do that? Even though I knew where it would lead? And what would my life have been like if I had walked away sooner? What if I had gone to Paris? (Which was actually my plan before we met!) What if I had remained a romantic because my heart hadn’t been ripped out of my chest and shredded, over and over again?

Don’t get me wrong, I love my life now. I love the peace, I love my time being my own, my space being my own, and I am surrounded by people and a creature who love me.

But I do mourn for the girl I was. The girl who loved fiercely. The girl who longed to be held, loved and cherished.

Because that girl is gone, and in her place is a woman who takes no shit and does her best to  enjoy every minute of this wonderful life.

And a woman who is much more likely to listen to her intuition when it tells her that she is about to embark on a path to heartbreak.

(Just for the record, I watched the TV series version of One Day and hated it. He was far too lovely, not an asshole like the movie version, and there just wasn’t the same chemistry for me. Sorry!)