We Are One

We are one

Doing the man-brain box experiment last week really did bring up some interesting things, and bring me to some huge revelations about the differences between men and women, and why relationships are the way they are. I’ve spoken to a few friends about the box-brain concept, and they all agree, that this is the way it works. (of course I’m not saying that every single man on earth has boxes in his brain, it is a generalisation, but one that makes sense to me)

I read somewhere (I apologise for not always linking to the source of my information, I read so many articles online during the course of the day, that I often then don’t remember where I read what!) that we live in a patriarchal society that is heavily into separation, dominance and exclusion. It’s the ‘survival of the fittest’ mentality, and the idea of being better than others, or having things that others do not have, that are more male qualities, and those qualities have shaped our current world.

Whereas a very long time ago, society was run by the matriarchs, and was one of inclusion, nurturing, supporting ones another, and understanding that we were all one, we were all equal. I think that though there have been major leaps forward in the last 100 years in terms of rights for women etc., the idea of equality has become skewed. In this male – dominated world, the idea of women and men being equal, is for women to be the same as men. For them to be able to be the breadwinner, to earn as much money, do the same jobs, and do all of these things in a male way. To think in terms of separation, and compartmentalise everything into boxes.

Now, having done this little experiment, I’ve come to realise, that I will never be the same as a man in my thinking. And that there are certain jobs that I just wouldn’t be suited to. And do you know what? That’s okay! Men and women’s brains work differently for good reasons. Mainly, that we weren’t created to do the same things. We weren’t created to think in the same ways. We were designed to fulfill roles that suited our physique, our innate talents and our thinking. Women are able to think of many things all at once, and to multi-task efficiently, so of course it makes sense for them to care for their children, because looking after children requires an awful lot of multi-tasking! There are so many instances where men and women are designed perfectly to fulfill their roles, I don’t think I need to go into any more in detail.

I don’t believe we need to be equal in a patriarchal way. I believe we need to become equal in a matriarchal way. In that all life is precious. No one is above or below anyone else. That there is enough for everyone. And that we appreciate and respect the roles that men and women fulfill – with an equal amount of love and appreciation.

So, as a tool, the boxes are quite useful, even for men (because the current technologies are forcing them to become multi-taskers too) because it helps you to focus, and get more done. But I wouldn’t want to think in this way all of the time, because I like to be able to make cards while watching TV, and I like to listen to music while writing my books, and I like to think of the little things, like writing notes to go under my partner’s pillow, or sending a card to a friend to say hi, or actually getting cards and presents to people on their birthdays, rather than after (though sometimes that doesn’t happen!). And all of those things are very female. My partner has commented more than once how he doesn’t understand how I manage to do so many of these small, thoughtful things. Because he is focused on the larger matters at hand. But I know what a difference those small things make to other people. I know that my readers appreciate it when I take the time to e-mail them back, I know that my friends enjoy the small packages that arrive (sometimes by owl 😉 ) and I know that my partner loves to find little notes and gifts under his pillow for no reason other than because I felt like it.

So I think the lessons I have learnt from this experiment are (for now):

#1. Using the male way of organising boosts productivity (Focusing on one thing at a time gets more things completed), and that while multi-tasking is useful for getting lots of smaller things done, it’s not so useful for larger projects.

#2. Men and women don’t need to be equal in ability, but they need to be appreciated equally for their abilities to do different things.

#3. That women need to cut guys a little slack, and understand that they may forget to get a card or present before the actual day of celebration, because they’re focused on the big things like keeping a roof over their heads and fuel in the car and getting work projects done. And it’s not because they don’t love them, or because they don’t care, but because they just don’t think in the same way.

#4. That I like being a woman, and I wouldn’t want my brain to be full of little boxes, because I like being able to do the little things that usually end up in a box that rarely gets opened in a man’s brain.

#5. That men and women need to learn to love and appreciate themselves, and work to their strengths.

and finally

#6. We are one. What you do for yourself, you do for another. What you do to another, you do to yourself. There is no separation, no one is better than anyone else. We are all connected, but in our individuations, we are unique, and we need to love and appreciate that about ourselves and each other.

Thank you for reading my post today, if you feel you learnt something too, then please feel free to comment below 🙂

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