It’s my 31st Birthday today. And I’m not sure how I feel about that. I think of all the goals I have set over the last few years and there are so many that haven’t happened, it makes me wonder why I bother trying to set them.

Still in an attempt to set goals and make a plan for 2015, I’m writing down 100 things to do in 2015, and after writing down number three:

– I have a sudden moment of complete clarity.

I haven’t been setting goals. I’ve been making wishes.

Goals should be actionable, achievable, doable, tangible things that YOU can make happen. That are in YOUR control to create. Not things that are mostly up to other people to make happen.

To clarify, this is a goal:

I will write a book in 30 days.

This is a wish:

I will sell 1000 books in a month.

Because writing a book in 30 days is completely within your realm. You can do it, it is completely possible. Selling 1000 books however, depends on a thousand people discovering your book, then making the decision to buy it. You can do all the marketing possible, you can definitely do your best to make your book visible and get it into people’s hands, but ultimately, the number of copies sold is not up to you. It is merely the by-product of you achieving the goals you set for your marketing.

So I’m realising now, that almost every goal I have failed to reach, was one that was out of my hands. And many goals that were up to me, did happen. So all this time I have been beating myself up for failing over and over is ridiculous. Because I was setting myself up to fail by setting goals that weren’t really up to me.

Now, this is not to say that we shouldn’t have intentions, desires, wishes, etc., but I am going to promise myself now, that I will never mistake a wish for a goal again. That my goals will be actionable, achievable and doable by me.

Because every time I set a goal that is really a wish, and I don’t achieve it, I am dis-empowering myself. I am making myself feel useless. And I no longer wish to live that way. I am going to focus on the things that I know I can make happen, and then appreciate and celebrate the results, no matter what they are.

I do feel that many people have tried to get these concepts through to me before, and they just haven’t sunk in. But like anything that really gets under your skin and makes total sense, it’s got to come from within. So if you’re reading this and just thinking that I’m some crazy woman who’s afraid of reaching 31 having not fulfilled her goals, so she’s making a bunch of excuses for it, that’s cool. But if this post is resonating with you in any way, go within and ask if that’s true for you too.

Now I think I need to go out and buy some new slippers.