I ran out of room in my inbox yesterday, and my clients’ emails were bouncing. So I began the mammoth task of deleting some of the eight thousand unread emails.

Several hundred deletes later, and I’d only freed up 2%. So I thought I’d tackle my sent box. I started from the oldest emails, which went back to 2008. But of course, curiosity got the better of me when I spotted one I sent to a friend titled ‘My Life’s Purpose’ so of course I had to open it! And I found the text below:

“I had been writing in my journal that I needed to know why I am here, in this time in this life. And I have to admit, I always assumed that I would find out my life’s purpose through someone else, I don’t know why. I also assumed it was something that was already set, not something we had much say in. Anyway, I read this book, Bringers of Light by Neale donald walsh (convo with god guy) and one of the things he says is: “Life in pointless, and that is Gods greatest gift” AT first the idea depressed me, if there’s no point to life, why bother with anything? But he goes on to explain that we are not assigned a purpose, we may choose one before we get here, that we’ve forgotten about, but ultimately, we CHOOSE. Which means that the only purpose we have in life is the one we choose. So it wasn’t a matter of me finding my life’s purpose, it was a matter of me CHOOSING my life’s purpose. Then of course I was thinking, oh crap, I’m useless at making big decisions! Then the other day, I was sitting outside, crocheting, and I was having conversations in my head as per usual, and in answer to the imaginary questions of what are you going to do in the future, the reply that came to me was: I am not here to drink and party, I am not here to settle down, have kids and a career, I am not here to do what would seem to be the normal thing to do. I am here for you. You are my life’s purpose, you and every other person I encounter along the way. Something i do or say to you might mean something to you, or trigger something in you that changes your life in some way. That is why I am here. And so I figure that if my life’s purpose is in every person that I meet on a daily basis, I am fulfilling my life’s purpose every single day. No matter what I do. And this, I think, is the most amazing part to me. It doesn’t matter what I do in the future, what matters is every person that I come across. I was halfway there in my thinking that I would be happy to live the rest of my life traveling from place to place, meeting new people, bringing people together and imparting whatever thoughts or wisdom I can. This is my life’s purpose. If I do all the ‘normal’ things people do, and settle down and get sucked into the illusion of every day life – work, sleep, tv, eat etc, then I wont be fulfilling my life’s purpose.”

My 24 year old self had some interesting revelations! I shared this on instagram with the photo I found in another 2008 email, this time to my mum, a selfie to show her my new haircut. I was living in New York at the time, so we emailed a lot!

I got a few comments on the post, mostly that people resonated with the message. I guess the reason I’m sharing it here, is because this evening I watched perhaps the strangest movie I’ve ever seen – Everything Everywhere All At Once. And the message in that? Nothing Matters. Do what you want to do. Which is what Neale was saying in his book that I read in 2008.

Nothing matters. In the best way possible. The only meaning things have are the meanings we give them. You make things matter. So what matters to you? What do you choose to give meaning?

It really is up to you.