Jan 16 2024

Internal Battles

So here is it, the first, and hopefully not last, post of 2024. I can’t think of a title right now, so I’m hoping one will emerge by the end of the post!

I’ve been thinking about how much I berate myself for not getting enough done. For having no enthusiasm or mojo to write, to market my books, to make money, to hustle. The last four years have been pretty tough on those fronts. I feel like my batteries ran out and I didn’t recharge properly, so now I am in a constant battle of not enough energy and no time to recharge.

As well as the pandemic madness that we all experienced, I have come to two realisations in the last couple of years. One, that I have ADHD. And two, I am perimenopausal. Now the latter is what made the former so much more obvious, which is what seems to happen in females, which is why so many older females are now being diagnosed. The change in hormones makes the ADHD symptoms so much more obvious, and then when we realise, we can then see that it was there all along from childhood, we were just very good at masking and overcompensating for it.

So when I consider just how much I have managed to achieve, in spite of the extra layer of difficulty, I should feel proud. But instead, I just feel irritated that for the last few years I have struggled to find any motivation at all to write or to market my existing books. My focus and ability to concentrate is shot to pieces. I was blaming it on my addiction to my smart phone, but I think there’s a lot more going on than that. I have been taking supplements that are helping, and I’m looking into natural hormonal support, but it’s very much an inside job, after my doctors brushing off my perimenopausal enquiries with – you’re too young for that. Sigh.

Writing has always been my favourite past time, my kind of therapy, to explore other worlds and get lost in a reality of my choosing, but recently it feels like a slog, and I hate that. In need of some sunshine and inspiration, I decided to spend a month in Morocco. I didn’t bring any creative crafty things to do (aside from one tiny crochet project) hoping that not having my hands busy would mean that I would get bored enough to write. But instead, I find myself scrolling through Instagram and generally wasting time doing nothing.

But in an effort not to continually berate myself, I have so far managed about 5k words, and I am determined to finish Book 11 in the Earth Angel Series while I am here, so that I can set a publishing date for that this year.

Though, now that I have said that, I’m worried that I have made another promise that I won’t keep, especially considering I said that the book was ‘Coming soon’ about four years ago.

All I can say is, I will try my absolute best to get it done, and I am going to try not to berate myself so much, and considering it has been cloudy today, I am not going to tell myself off for spending every moment I can in the sun while I am here, because I seriously need the vitamin D!

Hmm, still no idea what to call this post, but here is a photo of Morocco to either make you feel warm inside or to make you feel jealous. You choose which one it is! Oh, and if you want to follow my Moroccan adventures, follow me on Insta – @michellegordonauthor and look for the stories!

Sep 6 2023

Into the Woods

Over the last couple of years, I started a podcast where I would record my ramblings while actually rambling through the woods with my doggo. I would just hit record and talk about whatever came to mind, hoping a topic would emerge.

Which is pretty much what I’m doing in this blog post!

I am actually walking in the woods right now, it’s way too early to be out but Chouli was keen for once (she’s not a morning dog!) So we are in the woods, listening to the morning birdsong, talking to random dog walkers.

It’s not as easy to write this as it is to record a podcast, but I am determined to blog more, so here we are!

I had a great conversation with a guy yesterday who helped me to get some of my marketing mojo back (he clearly loves it, unlike me!) and one of the things we discussed was how important location is. That depending on where you grow up, your success in certain careers may be limited. That unless you surround yourself with people who are doing what you want to do, then it’s difficult to succeed. The example that comes to mind is Ed Sheeran. He wanted to sing, so he hung out at gigs, then started gigging, and he made sure he was in the right places to learn, to grow, to improve and to hone his craft that he loved. He literally put himself in the way of greatness. He didn’t stay at home, hoping and dreaming and wishing that maybe one day, someone would find him and make him a star.

Which I can confirm is not the route to stardom! Of course, becoming a successful author is slightly different. It’s a pretty solitary endeavour, there aren’t gigs to attend, but there are book fairs, festivals, workshops, courses, etc. The London Book Fair was an eye-opener, so many writers and publishers in one place. It was quite overwhelming, and though there was a sense of being amongst my people, there was also a sense of complete inadequacy.

Wow, a writer with imposter syndrome? How original!

It’s a weird thing, to have written books, but to not feel like an author. I don’t know if it’s because I don’t write every day, or because my books don’t pay me a living wage, or because I’m not surrounded by other authors. It may just be because authors don’t actually feel any different! Maybe they just feel like regular people who tell stories that get printed.

Hell, maybe it’s just because I’m a woman from the South Wales valleys, where dreams were simply not catered for.

But whatever the reason, it’s no excuse. Because I have written books, and I have amazing readers waiting for the next ones, and they don’t care if I feel like a real author or not, they just want the next story.

So all of that ramble to say, I plan to get writing, and thanks to that chat yesterday, I feel like I’ve got some of my marketing mojo back too. So be prepared, if you’re on my mailing list or social media, you may be seeing a lot more of me!

Mar 30 2013

Working myself into a Nano Frenzy!

Wondering what the hell a Nano Frenzy is? I will explain!

As I have set myself the task of publishing two books a year, I am in need of a book to publish this summer. And I haven’t written it yet. I have already had a couple of e-mails asking me where the next book is, so I thought I had better get going!

So having decided I would write my new book in April, I then received an e-mail from the beautiful folk at the Office of Letters and Light, telling me they are running Camp Nano in April this year! And you can set your own wordcount. Perfect!