So here is it, the first, and hopefully not last, post of 2024. I can’t think of a title right now, so I’m hoping one will emerge by the end of the post!

I’ve been thinking about how much I berate myself for not getting enough done. For having no enthusiasm or mojo to write, to market my books, to make money, to hustle. The last four years have been pretty tough on those fronts. I feel like my batteries ran out and I didn’t recharge properly, so now I am in a constant battle of not enough energy and no time to recharge.

As well as the pandemic madness that we all experienced, I have come to two realisations in the last couple of years. One, that I have ADHD. And two, I am perimenopausal. Now the latter is what made the former so much more obvious, which is what seems to happen in females, which is why so many older females are now being diagnosed. The change in hormones makes the ADHD symptoms so much more obvious, and then when we realise, we can then see that it was there all along from childhood, we were just very good at masking and overcompensating for it.

So when I consider just how much I have managed to achieve, in spite of the extra layer of difficulty, I should feel proud. But instead, I just feel irritated that for the last few years I have struggled to find any motivation at all to write or to market my existing books. My focus and ability to concentrate is shot to pieces. I was blaming it on my addiction to my smart phone, but I think there’s a lot more going on than that. I have been taking supplements that are helping, and I’m looking into natural hormonal support, but it’s very much an inside job, after my doctors brushing off my perimenopausal enquiries with – you’re too young for that. Sigh.

Writing has always been my favourite past time, my kind of therapy, to explore other worlds and get lost in a reality of my choosing, but recently it feels like a slog, and I hate that. In need of some sunshine and inspiration, I decided to spend a month in Morocco. I didn’t bring any creative crafty things to do (aside from one tiny crochet project) hoping that not having my hands busy would mean that I would get bored enough to write. But instead, I find myself scrolling through Instagram and generally wasting time doing nothing.

But in an effort not to continually berate myself, I have so far managed about 5k words, and I am determined to finish Book 11 in the Earth Angel Series while I am here, so that I can set a publishing date for that this year.

Though, now that I have said that, I’m worried that I have made another promise that I won’t keep, especially considering I said that the book was ‘Coming soon’ about four years ago.

All I can say is, I will try my absolute best to get it done, and I am going to try not to berate myself so much, and considering it has been cloudy today, I am not going to tell myself off for spending every moment I can in the sun while I am here, because I seriously need the vitamin D!

Hmm, still no idea what to call this post, but here is a photo of Morocco to either make you feel warm inside or to make you feel jealous. You choose which one it is! Oh, and if you want to follow my Moroccan adventures, follow me on Insta – @michellegordonauthor and look for the stories!