Let’s End Narcissism

By discontinuing the use of this label.

This may turn into a bit of a rant, and I don’t often do that on my blog, but today, well, I’ve had enough of this so-called ‘Narcissism’ epidemic. Excuse my language, but it’s pure horse manure.

It feels like every day, something pops up on my Facebook feed about Narcissism. About how narcissists can ruin your life by being toxic in relationships, by thinking they’re so important, by taking too many selfies, blah blah blah.

Narcissism is simply a label. A not very nice label, slapped on people who have treated us badly, who seem to think they’re the best thing since sliced bread, etc. And handily enough, a narcissist won’t even know they’re a narcissist, so we’re the only ones who can ‘diagnose’ them as such.

Have you read the traits of a narcissist? I challenge anyone to read them and tell me that some if not all of those things apply to them too. Hell, most of them apply to me! Are people saying I’m a narcissist because I write a blog? Because I take selfies? I was taking selfies way back before they were even a hashtag! Does that mean I’ve always been a narcissist?

Oh wait, if I think I’m a narcissist, then it means I’m not one. Phew.

All this label does is create victims. The person who is with a ‘toxic narccissist’ is the victim, and they have the right to name, blame and shame the ‘nasty narcissist’. All that does is give away their power to the person they are blaming. Instead, why not see that the ‘Narcissist’ may have some inner work to do, and until they’ve done that, being in a relationship might not work? No blaming, no labelling, no shaming, just recognising that it is simply not the right time for you to be in the same space as each other.

Do you know what I see when I see a so-called narcissist? I see someone who doesn’t know what it feels like to be loved unconditionally. I see someone who does not love themselves. I have known and been in relationships with people who fit the ‘profile’ and do you know what? What they were missing was love. Pure, unconditional love. Don’t forget also, that your relationships with others are simply mirrors of what is going on inside you. So where are you not loving yourself?

we are one

Brené Brown talks about the ‘epidemic’ in her book – Daring Greatly, and she says in there that there isn’t a rise of narcissists, but there is a rise in shaming and blaming certain behaviours.

What I find sad is that in a pre-emptive way, people are beginning to label themselves as narcissists, every time they take a selfie, as if just that simple act is enough to be labelled with something potentially damaging.

What if they’re taking a selfie because they feel good about themselves on that day, an there’s no one else there to take the photo?

On one hand, we’re telling people they’re beautiful, they’re amazing, they need to have more self-esteem and they should believe in themselves, and yet on the other we telling people that they’re narcissistic and think too highly of themselves and need to stop taking those damn selfies, because really, they’re not all that.

How does this make any sense?

So I propose we end this narcissistic epidemic, and instead begin a revolution of unconditional love.

First step? Let’s drop the negative labels, and see each other as the human beings that we all are. We are all spiritual souls in human bodies, doing the best we can do with all that we are, let’s begin by honouring that.

Rant over, I love you guys, even those of you who take selfies 😉


Michelle is the author and publisher of 10 Visionary Fiction novels, all available on Amazon in paperback and on Kindle. She spends her days helping Indie Authors to publish their books, taking photographs of mushrooms and making gluten-free cakes.

If you need any help with your publishing journey, please do get in touch with her by emailing theamethystangel@hotmail.co.uk. You can book a Skype session or a phone call with her, or ask questions via email. Please do follow her publishing blog to receive more posts on Indie Publishing.

The Ideal Life

In the spirit of the themes of my recent posts, after seeing an article about how fake our ‘online lives’ are, it made me think about all the many times I was too busy trying to record an event rather than experience it in the moment. I mean, it’s great to be able to watch the videos and see the pictures afterwards, but when we are only seeing things through a screen, we are not fully present in the moment.

The life we present to the world is also often very different to the life we are living. The smiles, the blue skies, the gourmet meals – we present the snippets of our lives that seem idyllic, that make people envious, that make us appear to have the perfect existence, when in reality, that gorgeous selfie took 20 takes to look good, and that meal didn’t actually taste that great, but it looked good, and the next day, that sky turned grey, the rain lashed down and the wind was howling.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with presenting your best side to the world, as long as you don’t miss things because you’re too busy trying to record them for others. I’ve certainly been more aware recently, that instead of reaching for my phone to take a photo, I should just enjoy and experience the moment, and whatever it presents. After all, what matters most is that I was present with the people in that moment and enjoyed it fully, not that I have a cool photo and something to talk about afterwards on Facebook. It is difficult to strike a balance with this, especially seeing as I write a blog, and it’s well-known that in order to make something interesting, we need an image or a video to go in the blog post in order to catch people’s attention.

The other day, a baby deer wandered into the garden, calling out for his mum. At first I went out just to see, but then went and got my camera, because I was in the middle of writing my deer-themed newsletter and wanted a photo. But instead, I got the cutest video of him! But the whole time, I wasn’t looking at my phone, I was looking at the deer, and experiencing the moment (hence the dodgy framing and shaking) and it really was the sweetest moment.

How do you feel about your online life? Does it reflect your reality? Would love to hear from you!