Time to Feel

When we go through painful situations, we often will do anything not to feel the pain. Not to experience the hurt. Not to feel the embarrassment, sadness, grief, anger etc. So we block it out. With alcohol, or Facebook, or books or movies or actually running away to somewhere else.

When we desperately want something or someone who we know is toxic for us, whether it’s a person or a cigarette, we find that we don’t have the will power to stop ourselves from picking up the phone or the lighter, because we can’t bear to feel what we are feeling. We can’t bear to crave something. We can’t bear to miss someone. We can’t bear the longing and the heartbreak and the desperation.

But what if we just felt it? What if we just dove into those feelings and really allowed them to be? Perhaps we would break the addiction. Break the cycle. And release the feelings.

It’s hard to do that when we have spent so many years avoiding it. But it’s time. Time to stop running away from our feelings and running towards the drama; instead go deeply into the feelings and feel them, acknowledge them, accept them.

Once you have done that, you can move on. You will no longer be running away. You will be moving toward your joy. Toward things that are healthy. Towards your dreams.

Of course, I’m not saying to stop using Facebook, or watching movies or reading books. But I am saying that when you do those things, do them because you enjoy them. Not because you’re using them to escape your feelings.

You might find that the feelings you’ve been avoiding really aren’t the monsters you’ve made them out to be.

Sending you love, you are strong. You are beautiful. You can create a life that you don’t need to escape from. I believe in you.

the other side

My Demons are My Muses

I’ve been having some interesting conversations, and reading books and watching movies and taking part in classes about the subject of stories. The stories we are living. The stories we are telling. The stories we are believing. And it’s brought up some interesting things for me, as a writer, a storyteller, and creator of fictional worlds.

I am aware that the stories we tell and that we believe, create the world we live in. When we repeat the same refrain over and over, about who we are, and what we are and are not capable of – it becomes our reality. It becomes our truth, and we will tell it to whoever will listen.

We create our pain, our struggle, our drama – all by what we say. Out loud and in our minds.

I know, that I have all the tools I need to slay all of my demons and create a harmonious, abundant, joyful life. But I don’t use the tools, I don’t put things into practice, I don’t slay my demons and create that life. Why?

Because my demons are my muses.

My darkest moments have created the most powerful scenes in my books. My lowest points have yielded my best poetry. My expression of the depths of my despair have reached people, connected with people, resonated with people, who are in that very same place. And in those connections, those people have realised something crucial.

They are not alone.

There is hope.

If the character can experience the same pain, the same struggle, the same pitch dark night of the soul – and survive it – then those people can too.

I know that I don’t need to experience something to write about it. There is much I have written about that I have not yet experienced, and perhaps never will. But I do know that when I have experienced something, and when I write even in the moment I am still experiencing it, those words are what connect with people in the deepest possible way.

And so, my demons are my muses.

Of course, being aware of this means that I don’t have to dwell in those dark spaces. I don’t have to give my demons any more airtime than necessary. Instead, I can live with them. And isn’t that what it’s all about? Becoming friends with our shadows? Accepting every part of our selves – the good and the bad, the light and the dark? If I were to slay my demons, and live purely in the light, I may as well be on the other side in heaven, and not a human on this planet.

The point of being human is not to slay the demons, but to understand them. To listen to them. And to let them help you to help others.

So tell your stories. Live your stories. Believe your stories. But know that you have the power to change the story whenever you choose. You are creating your experience, your life, with your story, and by understanding and befriending your demons, you can create an even more powerful story, that could help others.

demon rose2