Apr 1 2014

5 Years Ago Today…

… I was sat in JFK airport, waiting to board a flight back home. And it was while sat in the waiting area that I got a notebook out and started to write The Earth Angel Training Academy. I wrote the first 900 words in that notebook, then wrote the rest of the book in the two months following, on my old laptop that had no ‘L’ key.

The handwritten beginning of The Earth Angel Training Academy

I still have my original notes from before I began writing. Most of my ideas didn’t make it into the final book. Once I started writing, I really had no control over the story, or the characters. I was merely a bystander, writing down what they were doing and saying.

After those initial two months of writing, it took me a further two years to edit it and get it into print, after a brief attempt at entering the traditional publishing world. Originally, I called the book ‘The Angels Calling’ and even printed and hand-bound in leather a copy for my dad. After a handful of rejections, I decided to take the Indie route, having used print on demand services to publish Heaven Dot Com back in 2007.

The first edition of The Earth Angel Training Academy was published and launched in July 2011, at the Heart of the Dragon Festival in West Wales.

Original Cover

New Cover

Since writing the book, I have actually met several of the characters in real life, including Shelly, the mermaid, who I met in California last year.

In November 2010, I wrote The Earth Angel Awakening, which I then published in the summer of 2012. Then just last year, I wrote and published The Other Side.

In some ways, it feels like a lifetime since I wrote those first words in JFK, and in others, it feels like just yesterday. As you can see from my scribbles, Velvet was originally called Mulberry. Because the lady sat opposite me in the waiting lounge was wearing mulberry-coloured shoes. I can still see her shoes, and hear the noise of the airport, and see the planes taking off. Though I had been writing for many years by that point, and had self-published my novella, that moment in the airport was the very beginning of my journey as an independently published author, and a visionary fiction novelist. And in that moment in time, I had absolutely no idea what the next five years would bring. There have been awesome times, crappy times, frustrating times and absolutely ecstatic times. And I wouldn’t change a single moment, because it has all brought me to where I am right now.

Do you remember where you were five years ago today?

Mar 13 2014

Still Planting Seeds…

After I wrote my post this week about sowing seeds, my partner found a TED talk about creating tiny habits, by BJ Fogg. I watched the talk and was laughing at the fact that he compared these tiny habits to planting tiny seeds. (Synchronicities huh?) You can see the talk here:

The interesting part about this talk was the part on motivation, and how tiny habits need very little motivation, which means that people are more likely to do them. And also the idea of using an existing habit as the trigger. One of the reasons I find implementing new habit hard is that I just don’t remember to do them, so this was a very interesting concept to me. Over the last couple of days since watching the video, I have implemented just a few new tiny habits, and so far, it seems to be working. I will see how it goes over the next week or so. In terms of exercise habits, I also like the idea of doing little and often, in that you are less likely to get nasty achy muscles that then puts you off of exercising again the next day.

The other part that I found interesting in the talk was that after doing one of these tiny habits, you celebrate it. So far in the last couple of days, that is the step I seem to forget, as it seems foreign to do a little dance singing ‘I’m awesome’ after merely planking for 10 seconds. But the celebration part is quite important, because it makes us feel like we’ve accomplished something, which means we will do it again, and maybe each time we do it, we expand it a little further. Soon, I will have a regular exercise routine, without even realising it, all just through adding these tiny habits into my daily life.

Are you going to start some tiny habits? If so, I would love to hear your ideas in the comments below 🙂

Mar 10 2014

Note to Self: Stop Time Travelling!

I don’t normally blog twice in one day, but an interesting synchronicity popped up this evening and I felt the need to share it. As I mentioned in my earlier post, I am reading Choose Yourself by James Altucher (and just so you know, I’m not getting paid to endorse or advertise his book, I happened to see it advertised and liked the sound of it, I’m just a reader 🙂 ) Now the book is full of very useful advice, but the part that made me stop reading, was when he suggested that you do exactly what one of the characters in my book does. In his book, James suggest that whenever you think of the past or the future, you are in fact time travelling, and a good way to stop doing that and remain in the present, is to label your thoughts ‘past’ or ‘future’.

Now if you have read my book, a visionary fiction novel called The Elphite, you will know that this exact exercise is what Mrs M does with Ellie. Whenever Ellie references the past or the future, Mrs M labels it and cuts off the conversation. By doing this, she is teaching Ellie present moment awareness. She also teaches her how to release all fears and worries, by getting her to ask herself three questions –

Am I alive? Am I awake? Am I loved?

If the answer to those three questions is yes, then there really is nothing to worry about, because in that moment, which is the only moment that exists, all is well. Lori Lesko read The Elphite, and wrote on her blog how she had found the above exercise to be useful. I really must remind myself to try it out too!

I’m only halfway through Choose Yourself so far and I’ve already found many things that have resonated with me and have inspired me, and I look forward to reading the rest.

Thank you for reading my blog, especially if you have read it twice today! Have a wonderful evening.x

Mar 9 2014

Sow the Seeds

In the last couple of days, I have begun my first foray into growing flowers, herbs and vegetables. In the past, my lack of green fingers has meant that most things that need watering that are left in my care surely die. So the concept of starting with a tiny seed (and in some cases, the seeds were as small as bits of dust) and getting it to grow into something edible, is pretty much beyond anything I have ever attempted before.

Here’s me, looking very glamorous!

While planting the parsley seeds, I started thinking about the part in Louise L Hay’s movie – Heal Your Life, when she talks about affirmations being the seeds to creating the life you want. She said that with seeds you plant them, water them, nurture them and basically, you expect that they will grow. But you don’t dig them up every few days to check to see if they are growing or not, because you will end up killing them off. The key is to just tend to them daily, and you will then be able to harvest and benefit from the crop.

[youtube http://youtu.be/2NiRvwmPDxo?t=4m25s]

Daily routines and habits is something that I struggle with. I find it easy to break a habit, and quite difficult to form one. I can do something every single day for a year, and then stop doing it, and forget all about it. In the past I have given up all sorts of things, with no problem at all. I have given up chocolate for a year or more at a time. Currently, I have not had caffeine for thirteen years, I have not had wheat or gluten for four years, I haven’t eaten meat ever, I avoid sweeteners like the plague, and I rarely eat junk food. (Most of it has wheat in it anyway). So it seems I’m pretty good at quitting stuff. I’ve also quit more jobs in my life than most people ever have in their entire lifetime. I tried to count the jobs I’d had once, and got bored after I’d counted 40. Some of them were short-term anyway, but most of them I quit. For a long time I just figured I had commitment issues, but I think it’s more of a case that I don’t see the point in doing anything I am not passionate about, because then it is not serving myself or others.

Which is why I think I struggle with exercising daily. I really don’t find getting out of breath or having sore muscles to be much fun. Even though I know that in the long-term, it will benefit me. And gardening? I think it’s a case of just not really knowing what I am doing that has put me off in the past. I still don’t really know what I’m doing, to be truthful. But I’m willing to give it a try. Perhaps if I can see these teeny little seeds growing into actual, edible items, it will make it easier for me to find things I can do daily to build my business and increase my readership etc.

What the garden looks like right now:

I’m reading a book at the moment, called Choose Yourself, by James Altucher. In it, he describes having daily practices, and I must admit, at first I was thinking – oh here we go again, yet another suggestion to do something everyday, something that I know I won’t ever do. But then I read the list of 26 things that he does every day. Out of which, he suggests people do a minimum of one thing from that list every day. And I realised that I already do ten of those things every day! Therefore, I have a daily routine. How amazing is that? I had a daily routine and I didn’t even realise it. Which means that I can do things on a daily basis. I plan on printing the list out, and posting it above my desk, so that it inspires me to try doing some of the things I don’t do on a daily basis.

This realisation has made me wonder how many more things there are, that I believe I cannot do, but in fact I can. So perhaps I can be a successful gardener, perhaps I can enjoy running, perhaps I can learn how to play the piano properly, and perhaps I can indeed be successful in doing what I truly love to do. All I need to do is to choose myself. And choose to love and believe in myself. And know that the only limitations in my life are the ones I choose to have. It’s time to let go of my old stories, my old beliefs, my old limitations, and become who I really am.

I choose myself. I choose to be awesome 🙂

Feb 10 2014

We Are One

Doing the man-brain box experiment last week really did bring up some interesting things, and bring me to some huge revelations about the differences between men and women, and why relationships are the way they are. I’ve spoken to a few friends about the box-brain concept, and they all agree, that this is the way it works. (of course I’m not saying that every single man on earth has boxes in his brain, it is a generalisation, but one that makes sense to me)

I read somewhere (I apologise for not always linking to the source of my information, I read so many articles online during the course of the day, that I often then don’t remember where I read what!) that we live in a patriarchal society that is heavily into separation, dominance and exclusion. It’s the ‘survival of the fittest’ mentality, and the idea of being better than others, or having things that others do not have, that are more male qualities, and those qualities have shaped our current world.

Whereas a very long time ago, society was run by the matriarchs, and was one of inclusion, nurturing, supporting ones another, and understanding that we were all one, we were all equal. I think that though there have been major leaps forward in the last 100 years in terms of rights for women etc., the idea of equality has become skewed. In this male – dominated world, the idea of women and men being equal, is for women to be the same as men. For them to be able to be the breadwinner, to earn as much money, do the same jobs, and do all of these things in a male way. To think in terms of separation, and compartmentalise everything into boxes.

Now, having done this little experiment, I’ve come to realise, that I will never be the same as a man in my thinking. And that there are certain jobs that I just wouldn’t be suited to. And do you know what? That’s okay! Men and women’s brains work differently for good reasons. Mainly, that we weren’t created to do the same things. We weren’t created to think in the same ways. We were designed to fulfill roles that suited our physique, our innate talents and our thinking. Women are able to think of many things all at once, and to multi-task efficiently, so of course it makes sense for them to care for their children, because looking after children requires an awful lot of multi-tasking! There are so many instances where men and women are designed perfectly to fulfill their roles, I don’t think I need to go into any more in detail.

I don’t believe we need to be equal in a patriarchal way. I believe we need to become equal in a matriarchal way. In that all life is precious. No one is above or below anyone else. That there is enough for everyone. And that we appreciate and respect the roles that men and women fulfill – with an equal amount of love and appreciation.

So, as a tool, the boxes are quite useful, even for men (because the current technologies are forcing them to become multi-taskers too) because it helps you to focus, and get more done. But I wouldn’t want to think in this way all of the time, because I like to be able to make cards while watching TV, and I like to listen to music while writing my books, and I like to think of the little things, like writing notes to go under my partner’s pillow, or sending a card to a friend to say hi, or actually getting cards and presents to people on their birthdays, rather than after (though sometimes that doesn’t happen!). And all of those things are very female. My partner has commented more than once how he doesn’t understand how I manage to do so many of these small, thoughtful things. Because he is focused on the larger matters at hand. But I know what a difference those small things make to other people. I know that my readers appreciate it when I take the time to e-mail them back, I know that my friends enjoy the small packages that arrive (sometimes by owl 😉 ) and I know that my partner loves to find little notes and gifts under his pillow for no reason other than because I felt like it.

So I think the lessons I have learnt from this experiment are (for now):

#1. Using the male way of organising boosts productivity (Focusing on one thing at a time gets more things completed), and that while multi-tasking is useful for getting lots of smaller things done, it’s not so useful for larger projects.

#2. Men and women don’t need to be equal in ability, but they need to be appreciated equally for their abilities to do different things.

#3. That women need to cut guys a little slack, and understand that they may forget to get a card or present before the actual day of celebration, because they’re focused on the big things like keeping a roof over their heads and fuel in the car and getting work projects done. And it’s not because they don’t love them, or because they don’t care, but because they just don’t think in the same way.

#4. That I like being a woman, and I wouldn’t want my brain to be full of little boxes, because I like being able to do the little things that usually end up in a box that rarely gets opened in a man’s brain.

#5. That men and women need to learn to love and appreciate themselves, and work to their strengths.

and finally

#6. We are one. What you do for yourself, you do for another. What you do to another, you do to yourself. There is no separation, no one is better than anyone else. We are all connected, but in our individuations, we are unique, and we need to love and appreciate that about ourselves and each other.

Thank you for reading my post today, if you feel you learnt something too, then please feel free to comment below 🙂

Feb 8 2014

The Man-Brain Box Experiment Results

Well what an interesting week this has been! On Monday, I posted that I was going to conduct an experiment. The Man-Brain Box Experiment, which came about from watching a video online about how men and women’s brains function differently.

It’s been an eye-opening experiment, I will say that! In order to do it, I created my own boxes, and only allowed myself to have one box open at a time, and only focus on doing one of the things inside the box at a time.

Goodness, was it difficult! Single-tasking really is not something that comes naturally to me… anymore. I do remember when I was a child that I could focus on one thing for hours and hours, whether it was reading or playing with my toys, I could focus with no problems at all. But now? Now I am the uber multi-tasker, with at least ten tabs open on my online browser at any on time (not to mention other software and applications being open at the same time) I juggle talking to several people on Facebook at a time, while talking on the phone and answering e-mails. In any one moment I could be doing three or four things at once.

So to focus on one thing until it was finished? Very, very difficult for me. But do you know what? It was so much more productive! Every day this week I have been able to cross things of my list. Things that I had actually completed and were not half-done as usual. And I even had time to occasionally open the Nothing Box! I found that when I was cooking dinner, I would just be cooking dinner, not trying to chat to people on Facebook and do three other things at the same time (definitely burnt less food this week). And overall, I have noticed that the amount of time I spend on Facebook has dramatically decreased, which is something I had been trying to do for some time, but couldn’t seem to stop myself going on there! A few weeks back, I read an article about how there was so little time to get everything done, the only way forward was to multi-task like crazy. (I cannot find the article now, and indeed, if you Google ‘multi-tasking’ all you will find is articles on why it is bad for you!) But do you know what I discovered? Multi-tasking makes time go past very quickly. And all of a sudden, it’s the end of the day, and though I’ve been busy all day, I havn’t actually achieved anything. Whereas single-tasking has the opposite effect. It slows time down. Especially when I’m focusing purely on a work project. It feels as though hours have passed, but when I look at the clock, it’s only been ten minutes. Therefore, by the end of a single-tasking, man-brain day, I can easily tick off a few things of the list.

Over all, the boxes that were opened most often, (in order, most often opened to least often opened) were –

Work Box

Social Media Box

Personal Box

Relationship Box

Nothing Box

Mission Box

Personal Box

Creativity Box

Domestic Box

So would I do it again? To be honest, I’m thinking of keeping the boxes going for another week, because even just dividing all of the things I need to do into boxes was a calming exercise. Because I didn’t have to keep all of these things in my brain all at the same time, and I certainly didn’t have to worry about what was in the Social Media Box while I had my Work Box open. Also, this system had the added benefit that I would ignore the washing up if the Domestic Box wasn’t open, and as a result, my partner has done a lot more washing up this week than normal. Result!

Another revelation this week (that was confirmed by my partner to be true) that the reason why men aren’t very good with getting cards or presents for birthdays, anniversaries or holidays, and are usually found buying things the day before or on the day itself, is because the box for that particular celebration IS NOT OPEN UNTIL THE ACTUAL DAY! What a realisation this was! I never understood why men just seemed incapable of remembering to send birthday cards or buy presents. It’s something of a relief to know that it’s not because they simply don’t care enough to plan something in advance – it’s just that their brain does not work in a way that allows them to. Also, once you have celebrated something (whether it was on the actual date or not) in the man’s brain, it’s now done. Therefore when I had my birthday party on the 18th, in my partner’s eyes, I had celebrated my birthday, it was over. So when I wanted to go out for the day on my actual birthday, the 20th, it made no sense to my partner. Which would explain why it took him a little while to get into the spirit of it.

What are your thoughts? I know that this week has allowed me to understand men a little better, and to also cut them a little slack, because the way they are is not based on selfishness or being unkind or uncaring, it is just their nature, the way their brains work. It’s also taught me not to ask my partner to do something if it’s completely unrelated to the task his is doing in that moment, because chances are, he won’t remember to do it, because he’s in a different box!

I will write another update next week, let’s see how productive I can be in the next seven days!

Feb 3 2014

The Man-Brain Box Experiment

My boyfriend sent me this video on Facebook yesterday, and it made me laugh a lot. Mainly because it was SO TRUE. It’s not that we are from different planets – it’s that men and women’s brain are simply structured in completely different ways. So go watch the video, then come back (it’s 10 mins long, but so worth it, I promise).

So this morning, I’m helping my boyfriend with his latest mad creation (to be revealed soon) and we start talking about male and female brains, and he tells me all about his boxes, and how he really doesn’t get to spend enough time in his Nothing Box. The box that most women, (including myself) don’t even realise exists.

This is my interpretation of the brain structure from watching the above video:

Then several realisations hit me. This is why men can’t multi-task, because that would mean opening several boxes at once, and this is why women can’t help but multi-task – because everything is connected. This is why focusing on one thing at a time seems impossible to a woman, but essential to a man. If you’re a female reading this, you will know what I mean when I say that I will be in full creative flow, then I need a drink of water, so I go downstairs, and on the way I pick up the washing basket. Then I put on a load of washing, and hang up the wet washing in the kitchen by the fire. Then there’s no clean glasses, so I do the washing up, because if I’m washing one glass, I may as well wash the rest, then I clean down all the counters, and finally, I get the glass of water, and head back upstairs to my office. By now, anything from 30 to 40 minutes (sometimes more) has passed. And perhaps the creative juices have ceased flowing, perhaps it’s now time to start making dinner, or to call a relative, or a friend pops up on Facebook. Whereas when a man is in the middle of something and he needs a drink, it will take him two minutes to go to the kitchen and get one. Or, he’ll get someone else to get it for him, so he doesn’t have to stop. Or, even more likely, he will just forget to drink anything altogether because he is so focused on his task.

So what does all of this mean? I did say yesterday that I would post if I found a method of motivation that worked for me. So I have decided to do an experiment, for this week to start with, I may extend it if it works!

This is my Man-Brain Box Experiment. Now, because my own brain is a jumbled mass of wire, an internet browser with 30 tabs open, I need an external, visual representation of the boxes. So, I have created these:

Notice how they’re not touching?

These tiny Really Useful Boxes are labeled with the different categories that take up my attention during my waking hours. Each box is filled with bits of paper (because according to my boyfriend, each box is divided into different sections) and on each bit of paper is an activity that comes under that category. The idea is, for the next week, I will only have one box open at a time, and I have to focus all of my attention on whichever activity I have picked out of that box. I will not have several boxes open at once.

For example, the box that is currently open is this one:

So instead of trying to enforce a schedule where I have to do things at certain times, I will just limit myself to focusing on one activity at a time. Now, if another activity comes up while I am doing something else, I will just write it on a piece of paper and put it in the appropriate box, to be completed when that other box is open. It sounds like a bit of a mad experiment, but from past experience, I know that when I have focused my attention and effort on one task at a time, not only do I complete things, but time slows down and overall I achieve more. Whereas at the moment, my attention is scattered across many different activities, and I spend a lot of time feeling overwhelmed by it all. I find that when I get to the end of the day, there is very little I can cross off my to-do list because I have done a bit of everything, and not completed any one thing.

It’s not that I want to be a man, I’m quite happy being female, but I think that this experiment could possibly have two benefits – the first is that I might understand men a little better by the end of it. And the second is that I might become more productive, less stressed out, and less overwhelmed on a daily basis. I’m hoping it will also slow time down a little, as it seems to be rushing by way too quickly.

So I will post my progress, I would love to hear what you think of the experiment, and whether you would be up for trying it too. I will also try to keep note of which boxes I open the most, and I will let you know if I ever manage to get into my Nothing Box!

Jan 6 2014

Keep the Fire Burning

(The above photo is not of my house, but of the Gryffindor Common Room, taken at the Making of Harry Potter Studios in London. I did have a photo of our fire, but this one looked so much cooler!)

I live in a house where in the winter, our heating and hot water comes from a wood-burning stove. To keep the house warm and the showers hot, it takes a consistent daily effort to light the fire and keep it going throughout the day. And if you can light the fire in the morning with embers from the previous nights’ fire, it takes much less effort to keep it going. If decided one day that I couldn’t be bothered to light the fire, the house would soon grow really cold. After a few days, there would only be cold showers available and a whole lot of shivering. During really cold winters, it would take three days to properly warm up the house after getting the fire going again.

So what does this have to do with anything? Well, I realised yesterday that writing a book is very similar to keeping the house warm. When in the middle of a novel, if I write something every day, I stay in the flow of the story, I can remember what the characters are up to, and each day I might only need to re-read a few lines to re-orientate myself and keep going. The story then remains consistent, and I can get a novel done in a month. But when there are long periods of time between writing, days, weeks, sometimes even months, the story grows cold. I then have to re-read everything, try to remember what was going on and it may take a few days to pick up the thread and continue the story in a way I’m happy with.

So if I know this, why don’t I write every day? After all, all the great writers did. They had a routine that they stuck to, and they would make writing the most important task on their daily agenda. Truth is, I don’t really know why I don’t write every day. When I wrote my first novel, The Earth Angel Training Academy, it was easy to write every day. Of course, I wasn’t working or in a relationship then, so I had no other major distractions. But also, there were no expectations. No one knew who I was, no one had read my work (other than a few English teachers, of course) so I was free to create without worry. Now, with readers waiting for my next published work, there’s a little more pressure. Some people are motivated by this kind of pressure, but as a writer who never knows if her writing is any good until the first person reads the manuscript, it’s more nerve-wracking than motivating!

But perhaps these are just excuses, or self-sabotage. I mean, I could just as easily say that I just haven’t found the right routine, or the right writing chair or the perfect music. Setting crazy deadlines used to be a fantastic motivator, but once you’ve allowed a few to slip by, they lose their potency. I recently came across the method that Seinfeld uses, where you put a cross on the calendar for every day you do the thing you want to do. And the crosses then form a chain. If you don’t write for a day, you ‘break the chain’. I was planning on giving the method a go, after all I figured it couldn’t hurt, but ultimately, I just need to figure out a way to get some words down every day, to keep the story from going cold, and having to start all over again each time I sit down to write.

How do you motivate yourself? What makes you plug away on a daily basis, keeping the fire going? I don’t think there is a magic, one-size-fits-all answer, but I do find it interesting to hear different people’s ways of working. Comment below if you’d like to share yours.

Dec 12 2013

Gallery

The Amethyst Angel Christmas Party!

This gallery contains 7 photos.

The downside to working from home is that you don’t get to have a work Christmas Party. Well, normally, anyway. Yesterday, Liz Lockwood, my good friend and editor, came over and we had our very own Amethyst Angel Christmas party. … Continue reading →