I Wish You Were Here – Ch2

Chapter Two

“Good morning,” she replied with a smile, studying his face on the screen. His grey eyes with dark flecks, the dimple in his left cheek, the tiny scar on his chin, all reminded her of her dream. She closed her eyes briefly, remembering the feeling of his arms wrapped tightly around her.
“Did you sleep well?” he asked, as she turned back to the coffee maker to make her morning cup. The toast popped up, so she put it on a plate and slathered it in strawberry jam. There was no butter because she hadn’t been food shopping recently.
She shrugged. “Okay, I guess. I had too much wine last night.”
He chuckled. “Ah, so feeling a little rough now?” He frowned. “Isn’t it getting late there? Shouldn’t you be getting to work?”
Rebecca never worked on her birthday, it was the one day every year that she held sacred. But she didn’t want to mention her birthday and make him feel bad for forgetting, again. She stirred milk into her coffee and turned back to her laptop. “I’m taking the day off, I need to get caught up on a few things.”
He was still frowning, unsure whether to believe her. She needed to change the subject, fast.
“I dreamt about you again,” she said, sipping her coffee and sitting at the breakfast bar so she could devote her whole attention to him.
His eyebrows raised. “A good dream, I hope?”
She grinned. “It was lovely. We were spooning, just holding each other. I could smell you, feel you, hear you. I didn’t want to wake up.” She sighed. “But I’d forgotten to turn off my alarm.”
“I wish I really were there, holding you,” he said. Though he didn’t show his emotions much, she could hear a hint of sadness in his voice.
“Me too,” she replied, her eyes filling with tears despite her promise to herself that she would not cry on her birthday. She bit into her rapidly cooling toast, and chewed slowly, trying to focus on the taste and distract herself.
“So what have you got planned for today?” he asked, sensing it was his turn to change the subject.
“Oh, just some bits of shopping,” she said, wiping her mouth with a piece of kitchen towel. “I also need to tidy the house and do some paperwork.” Though she didn’t work on her birthday, she also didn’t really do much to celebrate, either. Not since he had gone away. Mostly, she just did her best not to wallow in self-pity of being alone.
“I hope you find some joy,” he said, his eyes twinkling.
It was a silly game that they used to play. Each day, they would challenge each other to find the joy, and then report back that evening. She found it slightly annoying, especially when she was having a particularly bad day, but he had been insistent on the ritual. Even after he left, when they spoke each day, he would ask her what joy she had found each day. As irritating as it sometimes was, it did make her more aware of the tiny things that gave her hope, or made her smile. She had no doubt that doing so had helped her through the dark times. Not that she would admit that to him, of course.
She rolled her eyes at him, unable to see how she would find joy in a birthday without him, but before she could reply with a sarcastic comment, the doorbell rang and she frowned.
“Someone is at the door,” she said, putting her cup down and starting to close the laptop.
“I’ll wait,” he said quickly.
“Okay,” she said, lowering the lid slightly but not closing down the program. She got up and went to the door. She wasn’t expecting any deliveries or visitors, so she was a little apprehensive. She really hoped that her family hadn’t decided to surprise her, she had told them explicitly that she wanted to spend the day at home, doing nothing. She didn’t think she could cope with the polite small talk she would be forced to take part in.
She opened the door a crack, and found herself looking at a huge bunch of flowers with legs sticking out underneath.
“Mrs Green?” the bouquet said.
Rebecca frowned. “Yes?” She opened the door wider and the flowers were thrust at her.
“Happy Birthday!” the woman said, turning away and walking back down the driveway before Rebecca could utter a thanks.
Slightly stunned, she carried the massive bouquet into the kitchen, and set them down on the counter. Nestled amongst the bright, fragrant blooms was a tiny envelope. She opened it and slipped the card out. In an unfamiliar script, it simply said, ‘Happy Birthday, Bex. xx’
There was only one person who called her Bex, but how…?
She went back over to her laptop and opened the lid fully again. He was still there, patiently waiting for her.
“How did you do this?” she whispered.
He smiled. “Happy birthday, my love. Did you really think I would forget your big one?”
She chuckled, and wiped a tear away. “You always used to forget my birthdays.”
He shook his head. “I was terrible at remembering things, it’s true. But it was the least I could do, to remind you how much I love you.”
Hearing those words, the tears began to flow freely. She still had no idea how he had remembered, or how he had managed to arrange such a beautiful surprise, but she was glad he had. The prospect of celebrating her 40th birthday alone didn’t seem quite so bad now.

This is the second chapter in a brand new story that I am posting here on my blog as I write it. (Chapter One is here.) It is not finished, it is not edited, and I don’t know if it will be a book, but I wanted to try something new with my writing, so if you have enjoyed this chapter or are intrigued enough to want to read on, please do email me or comment!

I Wish You Were Here

Chapter One

“I wish we could stay here like this, forever.”
His arms tightened around her and she could feel his warm breath in her hair.
“Me too,” he whispered. “Let’s not get up just yet.”
She snuggled deeper into his embrace, and breathed in his familiar scent, and felt his steady heart beat at her back. They fit together perfectly, and had always fit, from the moment they’d met.
She remembered every moment of their very first date. The way he told her stories of his adventures, trying to impress her. But she was just mesmerised by his smile, by the way he nervously tapped his foot under the table, and by the way he said her name.
“What are you thinking?” he asked softly.
She smiled, he always could read her mind. “I was thinking of our first date. Of how I loved you from that very first moment.”
“Oh,” he said. “That’s not how I remember it. I remember falling for you from the moment I saw you smile, but as I recall, you took a few hours?”
She giggled. “Okay, okay, maybe it wasn’t from the very first moment. But I knew that you were going to change my life from that first moment.”
He sighed. “I wish I had changed it for the better.”
She turned in his arms to face him, and lifted a hand to stroke his cheek. “You did,” she insisted softly. “My life was and is so much better for knowing you.”
He smiled and kissed her, and she closed her eyes to savour the feeling of his lips on hers. He pulled back slightly.
“I’ll be right back,” he whispered.
Before she could open her eyes, he was gone. She stared the empty side of the bed, and reached out to touch his cold pillow.
“Hurry back,” she whispered.

* * *

The insistent beeping of the alarm clock made Rebecca groan. Why hadn’t she remembered to switch it off? She didn’t need to be up so early today, in fact, she had planned on not leaving her bed at all.
She switched off the alarm, then turned over and reached out to touch the empty side of the bed. Despite hoping desperately, he had not returned for the rest of the night. She closed her eyes to remember the feeling of his arms wrapped around her, his scent enveloping her, but the memory was already fading away.
A tear escaped from her eye and soaked into his pillow. She would have given anything, she would have sold her soul, just to have him come in through the door in that very moment, with a tray of tea and toast, wishing her happy birthday with a bunch of fresh flowers from the garden, because he had forgotten to plan ahead and buy anything. She always forgave him for forgetting though.
Birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, all had passed by without much fanfare, as he was never one to celebrate much. But it didn’t matter as long as he was there with a cheeky grin, a warm hug, and a long kiss. She could never stay mad at him.
Just as she couldn’t feel mad at him for not being there now.
The sunlight flickered around the edge of the blackout curtains, reminding her that the world still existed outside, and that perhaps she should go out and join it, or at least open the curtains and let it in, but she rarely did that anymore. The darkness suited her better, demanded less of her, allowed her to wallow in her sadness.
Limbs protesting, her head aching, her tired brain wishing that she had not drunk the entire bottle of wine the previous night, Rebecca got out of bed and stumbled to her wardrobe. Instead of opening her side, she gravitated towards his, and opened the door, wishing that she had been less on top of the laundry, that there were still items that carried his scent, that she could wear or wrap around herself like a protective cloak, keeping the rest of the world away forever.
Only a few pieces of clothing remained, hung neatly on hangers. She touched the sleeve of his favourite flannel shirt, and lifted it to her nose, inhaling deeply. Disappointment swirled in her stomach as she smelled the scent of their washing powder. Tears filled her eyes and she tried to remember his scent from her dream, or from her memories, but though she could remember how it made her feel, she couldn’t remember the exact scent itself.
Sighing, she closed his wardrobe and took the dressing gown from her own, wrapping it around her thin frame, before slipping her feet into her favourite slippers and going out to the small kitchen.
She ignored her phone on the counter, knowing that there would be dozens of messages from friends and family, wishing her a happy birthday. Though she appreciated them, it wasn’t them she wanted to hear from, that she needed to hear from.
She filled the coffee machine and switched it on, then put two slices of slightly stale bread into the toaster. It wasn’t quite the breakfast in bed she had wished for, but it would be something close. All that was missing was the flowers from the garden, and the cheeky smile.
Still ignoring her phone, Rebecca took her tea and toast and sat at the breakfast bar, and opened her laptop. Before she could convince herself that it was a bad idea, she found the icon on the desktop and double clicked.
A blue screen popped up, and she hit the green button. A few seconds later, his face filled the screen. Her heart nearly stopped as he looked directly at her and smiled.
“Good morning, my love.”

This is the first chapter in a brand new story that I am posting here on my blog as I write it. It is not finished, it is not edited, and I don’t know if it will be a book, but I wanted to try something new with my writing, so if you have enjoyed this chapter or are intrigued enough to want to read on, please do email me or comment!

A Letter to all Flames

My Dearest Twin Flames,

It has been an age since I last wrote to you, and for that I apologise. The time has slipped by so fast, that I find myself looking around, slightly dazed, wondering what happened to the last decade.

Because for the last decade, I have spent much of my time in love with, and addicted to, my twin flame. Yes, addicted. Because the love I feel for them is a drug, they are my only vice. (Aside from sugar) And it is in no way healthy.

So I wanted to reach out to you, dear flame, and tell you about a course that I find myself doing, that has made me realise that I cannot spend another moment compromising my needs for that of my flame. That I need to find a way, somehow, to move on and find a soul who reciprocates and wants to make my needs as important as his own, who can appreciate my love and support.

Now, I am well aware that I have said this many times before, and I’m not sure how I will be able to do this, but I wanted to mention the course I’m doing, because it is making me really get that it is absolutely necessary.

The course is one by Matthew Hussey, whose videos I have seen over the years, and have always liked his energy. He has a new book coming out, and if you pre-order it, you can get this course for free. I watched his live webinar and there were golden nuggets in there that made me realise that the minimal amount for the book was well worth getting the course. (This link takes you to the replay, the free course offer expires in 2.5 days)

Thanks to ADHD, I have signed up to many a course and never actually watched it, but this time, I have been watching the videos and making notes. Because I need this information to sink in, I need to be strong enough to do this, for my own sake (and for the sake of all those who love me). Because I cannot go into a new decade in this limbo.

And neither should you.

There is so much love, laughter and joy beyond the connection you have with your flame. I know there is for you, because I know there is for me. Please don’t get to 13 years later and wonder what on earth you were waiting for.

Live now. Follow you mission, your passion, your excitement, now.

It won’t be easy, and I have no idea if I can actually do it myself. But I’m rooting for you (and for myself) because you are so worthy and deserving of a deep, true and beautiful love.

It will feel like the world is ending, but it is not, I promise. It is only just beginning, and the world needs your light more than ever before.

Shine brightly, dear flame, I love you.

Michelle. xx

Success is…

After holding a google hangout to share my process on defining success, and having some lovely feedback, because the hangout recording wasn’t great (and very long!) I decided to put together a very short simple video describing the process. It is now on youtube, and if you try it out and enjoy it, please do let me know!

[youtube https://youtu.be/ovSzXCUZwjg]

I have also created a new page here on my blog, which contains links to all of my videos or videos I have been featured in. You can access the page from the menu or by clicking here. You could use the same process for creating definitions for other things, such as love and relationships, or money and abundance. I hope you have fun with it, there are no rules so make it your own!

My Top 5 Favourite Spiritual Movies

When it comes to entertainment, I would much rather watch a movie that inspired me as well as made me laugh or cry, and I think there are a lot of amazing Spiritual movies that more people should watch. Not because they are necessarily the best movies ever made, but because they have an impact.

Here are my top 5 favourite spiritual movies, and a little bit about why I like them.

Conversations with God

Conversations with GodThis movie is about the true story of Neale Donald Walsch, who wrote an angry letter to God, and then received the reply. He asked God to tell him what it took to make life work, and God responded. Neale has gone on to write many more books, and he holds retreats and talks around the world. Having met him in person, I can honestly say that he is the most humble, kind and generous man I have ever met. Which makes being able to watch a part of his life story even more special.

 

The Shift

The ShiftThe Shift is an odd movie to begin with, in that it’s a movie about the making of a documentary. A film crew go to a retreat to film Wayne Dyer, talking about how to make the shift from ambition to meaning in life. As he talks, you then meet other people who show his teachings through their lives and actions. My absolutely favourite thing about this – aside from the many insights – is the soundtrack. I adore it. Watch it for that reason if nothing else.

 

 

In Your Eyes

in your eyesI rented this one on Vimeo when it was first released last year, and it’s now available on Netflix (I will be watching it again) It’s more of a paranormal romance story, but it has a lot of spirituality in it. It’s funny, touching, and I really enjoyed it.

 

 

The Way

the-wayI have watched this movie so many times, that I feel like I have too, walked the Camino, though without getting the sore legs and blisters on my feet. The story is of a man who has to go to France to collect the remains of his son, who has died in a freak accident while walking the Camino. He then finds himself taking his son’s place, and walking the way, taking his son’s ashes with him. I love the music in this one too, and I love the experiences he goes through on his journey. One day, I may even walk the Camino for real.

 

 

Eat Pray Love

Eat Pray LoveI’ve watched this move a few times, I love Julia Roberts, and I love watching Elizabeth Gilbert speak too, she did an excellent TED talk (which will feature in a post coming soon) I love the transformation she goes through, and how she goes through each phase in different parts of the world, in her attempt to find herself. It also makes me want to visit Bali even more!

 

I will put a list of the Spiritual Movies I would like to see on tomorrow’s post. What are your favourite Spiritual Movies? Do you have any suggestions for me?