Jan 27 2024

A Letter to all Flames

My Dearest Twin Flames,

It has been an age since I last wrote to you, and for that I apologise. The time has slipped by so fast, that I find myself looking around, slightly dazed, wondering what happened to the last decade.

Because for the last decade, I have spent much of my time in love with, and addicted to, my twin flame. Yes, addicted. Because the love I feel for them is a drug, they are my only vice. (Aside from sugar) And it is in no way healthy.

So I wanted to reach out to you, dear flame, and tell you about a course that I find myself doing, that has made me realise that I cannot spend another moment compromising my needs for that of my flame. That I need to find a way, somehow, to move on and find a soul who reciprocates and wants to make my needs as important as his own, who can appreciate my love and support.

Now, I am well aware that I have said this many times before, and I’m not sure how I will be able to do this, but I wanted to mention the course I’m doing, because it is making me really get that it is absolutely necessary.

The course is one by Matthew Hussey, whose videos I have seen over the years, and have always liked his energy. He has a new book coming out, and if you pre-order it, you can get this course for free. I watched his live webinar and there were golden nuggets in there that made me realise that the minimal amount for the book was well worth getting the course. (This link takes you to the replay, the free course offer expires in 2.5 days)

Thanks to ADHD, I have signed up to many a course and never actually watched it, but this time, I have been watching the videos and making notes. Because I need this information to sink in, I need to be strong enough to do this, for my own sake (and for the sake of all those who love me). Because I cannot go into a new decade in this limbo.

And neither should you.

There is so much love, laughter and joy beyond the connection you have with your flame. I know there is for you, because I know there is for me. Please don’t get to 13 years later and wonder what on earth you were waiting for.

Live now. Follow you mission, your passion, your excitement, now.

It won’t be easy, and I have no idea if I can actually do it myself. But I’m rooting for you (and for myself) because you are so worthy and deserving of a deep, true and beautiful love.

It will feel like the world is ending, but it is not, I promise. It is only just beginning, and the world needs your light more than ever before.

Shine brightly, dear flame, I love you.

Michelle. xx

Jan 16 2024

Internal Battles

So here is it, the first, and hopefully not last, post of 2024. I can’t think of a title right now, so I’m hoping one will emerge by the end of the post!

I’ve been thinking about how much I berate myself for not getting enough done. For having no enthusiasm or mojo to write, to market my books, to make money, to hustle. The last four years have been pretty tough on those fronts. I feel like my batteries ran out and I didn’t recharge properly, so now I am in a constant battle of not enough energy and no time to recharge.

As well as the pandemic madness that we all experienced, I have come to two realisations in the last couple of years. One, that I have ADHD. And two, I am perimenopausal. Now the latter is what made the former so much more obvious, which is what seems to happen in females, which is why so many older females are now being diagnosed. The change in hormones makes the ADHD symptoms so much more obvious, and then when we realise, we can then see that it was there all along from childhood, we were just very good at masking and overcompensating for it.

So when I consider just how much I have managed to achieve, in spite of the extra layer of difficulty, I should feel proud. But instead, I just feel irritated that for the last few years I have struggled to find any motivation at all to write or to market my existing books. My focus and ability to concentrate is shot to pieces. I was blaming it on my addiction to my smart phone, but I think there’s a lot more going on than that. I have been taking supplements that are helping, and I’m looking into natural hormonal support, but it’s very much an inside job, after my doctors brushing off my perimenopausal enquiries with – you’re too young for that. Sigh.

Writing has always been my favourite past time, my kind of therapy, to explore other worlds and get lost in a reality of my choosing, but recently it feels like a slog, and I hate that. In need of some sunshine and inspiration, I decided to spend a month in Morocco. I didn’t bring any creative crafty things to do (aside from one tiny crochet project) hoping that not having my hands busy would mean that I would get bored enough to write. But instead, I find myself scrolling through Instagram and generally wasting time doing nothing.

But in an effort not to continually berate myself, I have so far managed about 5k words, and I am determined to finish Book 11 in the Earth Angel Series while I am here, so that I can set a publishing date for that this year.

Though, now that I have said that, I’m worried that I have made another promise that I won’t keep, especially considering I said that the book was ‘Coming soon’ about four years ago.

All I can say is, I will try my absolute best to get it done, and I am going to try not to berate myself so much, and considering it has been cloudy today, I am not going to tell myself off for spending every moment I can in the sun while I am here, because I seriously need the vitamin D!

Hmm, still no idea what to call this post, but here is a photo of Morocco to either make you feel warm inside or to make you feel jealous. You choose which one it is! Oh, and if you want to follow my Moroccan adventures, follow me on Insta – @michellegordonauthor and look for the stories!

Dec 26 2023

Another year… gone

So I managed a grand total of two blog posts this year… wow. I wanted to recap the year to prove that I wasn’t just lazing about, but it’s been such a crazy year, this may take me a while!

I miss the days when I blogged regularly, and it was a diary of sorts. I could check when I released books or attended events. But ah well!

So the highlight reel of 2023-

I moved from my studio into a new shop unit in Bastion Mews, where from July to Christmas, I ran Wish You Were Here, Letterpress Studio & Lifestyle Store. I ran workshops and sold handmade crafts as well as my cards and prints. It was a massive learning curve, and after six months, I hadn’t had any people wanting to print on a regular basis and share the space, and I couldn’t keep it up on my own, so I decided not to renew my lease, and put everything in storage.

I finished writing The Magical Dragon Mirror and released it in July, with the official release taking place at the Legendary Llangollen Faery Festival in August.

I got the rights to Where’s My F**king Unicorn? Back from the publishers, and released Finding My F**king Unicorn: The Workbook.

I published a few more books for other authors, including Waves of Stardust by Elizabeth Lockwood, Flower Pots & Jam Jars by Rowan James, Saviour of Angels by K.E. Riley, Lost London 2 by Vic Keegan, and Behind Door B by Julie Askew.

I made a lot of pants, in a variety of mad fabrics! I also made some leggings and sweatshirts, and hope to make lots more.

I attended many markets, print fairs, craft fairs and wayzgooses selling my wares, and had a fabulous time! Particularly loved the monthly market at the Fold in Bransford.

I helped to organise and run the Harry Potter experience at Hereford Cathedral for the official Harry Potter book night. Had a lil too much fun battling Snape!

I made lots of creatures, some knitted, some sewn, some crocheted. You could say it was the year of the creature making for me! I made 9 crocheted whales, two crocheted triceratops, several knitted frogs, and many felt animals. My own bears (designed and hand stitched by me) started selling really well in my shop, so I even started making them again too. I also made a ton of pumpkins and also crocheted a cardigan and a jumper!

In January, I became the editor of Small Printer, which is the magazine for the British Printing Society. My amazing team and I have produced 6 issues, and have received many compliments! It has been quite a task, fitting in the voluntary work around trying to earn a living, but it has been fun!

And finally, with the help of Lucja Fratczak-Kay, my amazing friend and fabulous artist, I designed a witchy bullet journal, which only went live on xmas eve, so if you like bujos, have adhd and are witchy, go grab a copy! (Bujo of Shadows)

I also got to spend time with my favourite people, and favourite doggo, though probably not nearly enough time.

I have many plans for 2024, hope to share them with you on here soon!

Merry Christmas!

A quick edit to add that I also helped to plant, weed, and water our veggie garden this year, where we successfully grew lettuce, cucumbers, tomatoes, beetroot, beans, kale, radishes and potatoes! Pulling up potatoes was an excellent dopamine hit!

Sep 6 2023

Into the Woods

Over the last couple of years, I started a podcast where I would record my ramblings while actually rambling through the woods with my doggo. I would just hit record and talk about whatever came to mind, hoping a topic would emerge.

Which is pretty much what I’m doing in this blog post!

I am actually walking in the woods right now, it’s way too early to be out but Chouli was keen for once (she’s not a morning dog!) So we are in the woods, listening to the morning birdsong, talking to random dog walkers.

It’s not as easy to write this as it is to record a podcast, but I am determined to blog more, so here we are!

I had a great conversation with a guy yesterday who helped me to get some of my marketing mojo back (he clearly loves it, unlike me!) and one of the things we discussed was how important location is. That depending on where you grow up, your success in certain careers may be limited. That unless you surround yourself with people who are doing what you want to do, then it’s difficult to succeed. The example that comes to mind is Ed Sheeran. He wanted to sing, so he hung out at gigs, then started gigging, and he made sure he was in the right places to learn, to grow, to improve and to hone his craft that he loved. He literally put himself in the way of greatness. He didn’t stay at home, hoping and dreaming and wishing that maybe one day, someone would find him and make him a star.

Which I can confirm is not the route to stardom! Of course, becoming a successful author is slightly different. It’s a pretty solitary endeavour, there aren’t gigs to attend, but there are book fairs, festivals, workshops, courses, etc. The London Book Fair was an eye-opener, so many writers and publishers in one place. It was quite overwhelming, and though there was a sense of being amongst my people, there was also a sense of complete inadequacy.

Wow, a writer with imposter syndrome? How original!

It’s a weird thing, to have written books, but to not feel like an author. I don’t know if it’s because I don’t write every day, or because my books don’t pay me a living wage, or because I’m not surrounded by other authors. It may just be because authors don’t actually feel any different! Maybe they just feel like regular people who tell stories that get printed.

Hell, maybe it’s just because I’m a woman from the South Wales valleys, where dreams were simply not catered for.

But whatever the reason, it’s no excuse. Because I have written books, and I have amazing readers waiting for the next ones, and they don’t care if I feel like a real author or not, they just want the next story.

So all of that ramble to say, I plan to get writing, and thanks to that chat yesterday, I feel like I’ve got some of my marketing mojo back too. So be prepared, if you’re on my mailing list or social media, you may be seeing a lot more of me!

Jul 29 2023

Oops I did it again

So last year, (how was it that long ago?!) I started blogging again, determined to get back into writing posts regularly, and strengthening my writing muscles while connecting with you, my readers.

But somehow, it’s been nearly a year since my last post. What the actual?

To be fair, it’s been very busy, I have published several more books for clients, become a step-grandma, moved my print studio and opened a shop, and published book 3 in my children’s series, The Magical Dragon Mirror.

So it’s not like I’ve been particularly lazy, but goodness, I wish I could stick to the things I’ve decided to do!

But I have also filled my time with random shit that I didn’t need to be doing, like scrolling insta, watching reels, and zoning out in front of Netflix/prime/disney. I once had an app on my phone that calculated how much time I spent on apps. I worked out that in one month, I wasted the equivelant amount of time that I could have written 150k words.

My whole life, I have thought that I was just a bit crap with making good habits, with sticking with things (I’m most definitely a quitter) and then, thanks to my hours and hours of scrolling, I started to realise that actually, the likelihood is that I have ADHD.

Now I’m not a label fan, and I’m not rushing to get an official diagnosis (nothing against it, just not something that would help or benefit me personally) but the realisation and the understanding of the underlying reasons for certain behaviours has helped me immensely. Mainly with just being a bit kinder to myself. I’ve also stepped up my supplement game and found that I’m not quite so exhausted, and I can recognise the approaching burnout and rest before I get ill.

I have gone through periods of anger and mourning. Anger that no one ever saw it, including me. Yet when I say it to people I know, their response is ‘well of course!’ And mourning for all the lost potential, and for the support that I could have had, that might have meant my finances weren’t such an atrocious mess for so long.

But then, the flip side is that not knowing meant that I pushed myself harder to do the things I found so difficult. I set deadlines and wrote whole novels. I completed projects after the initial dopamine hit wore off. I pushed through the tiredness and exhaustion. So, in essence, I got things done that many with ADHD cannot.

Because I assumed I was a regular human with a terrible memory and little sticking power, so I had to override these things. Now there’s a reason for it, I do find myself not pushing so hard, so of course, things don’t get done.

I’m still learning so much about myself, still learning the ways that work for me, how to best take care of myself, and how to not annoy the people around me. But I know that the label won’t do anything for me other than help my understanding of how I approach life, and how I interact with the world.

So I’m not going to promise to write this thing regularly, because I hate breaking promises, even though I seem to do it a lot.

And I’m not going to say that book 11 is coming soon, or the six other books I want to write. To be honest, I’m just doing my very best to keep creating an income, keep surviving, and not burn out. So, really, any content I create is a bonus, because honestly? Writing has not been a lucrative thing for me. I don’t make my living from it. In fact, it’s probably cost me more than it has made.

Of course, that’s because I suck at marketing and find it completely impossible to do anything consistently, which I think I’ve demonstrated with this blog!

So if you want to read more of what I write, please buy my books, if you already own them, buy them as gifts! Or you can just chuck me a few quid to paypal.me/theamethystangel

Or if you live near Hereford, pop to my new shop and buy some cards. Would love to see you! My insta is @wishyouwerehere.store

So that was a bit of a rambling info dump, but hey, welcome back to my blog! There may or may not be another new post soon.

Just in case no one has told you this recently. Xx

Nov 1 2022

NaNoWriMo 2022

It’s been a long time since I did NaNoWriMo properly, or have actually won it. But considering all the books waiting for me to write them, I figured it was about time.

So I’ve done it. I’ve signed up to NaNo 2022, and I plan to get book 11 written by the 30th November. It’s day one, I’ve written 1242 words, it is riddled with typos and other issues, but it has begun.

I feel it is likely I will regret announcing this, but seeing as I said book 11 was ‘coming soon’ about 18 months ago, I know I owe it to my readers to get my butt into gear and get it written. Because the story is ready.

Even if I’m not!

Wish me luck. And send me snacks!

Sep 21 2022

Hang on to your hats

So three years ago, I filmed and released the episode below of Season 2 EarthAngelTV, about how we were ‘reality hopping’ and how a circle of friends and I had set the intention to merge realities so that we each became whole beings again.

Well we have been doing a considerable amount of hopping again in the last couple of years, and looking back, I think we only had a few months of the single reality before it split again into a number of realities.

The shifting/hopping has increased in speed of late, with sometimes several shifts a day, and it’s quite interesting to see the effects of this, but it also causes something of a headache! So if you’ve been feeling a bit out of sorts lately, you may be feeling the effects of the many shifts, and the fragmenting of your energy.

Remember to stay grounded, being barefoot on the grass helps, as does imagining root coming out of your feet and anchoring you to the Earth.

Have you noticed the shifts? What’s your view on reality hopping?

I wrote about reality hopping in my novel , The Girl Who Loved Too Much, so if you’re interested in the concept, check it out!

Sep 15 2022

Maybe I am a Seer…

The other day I started compiling a list of release dates for my books, because we were considering doing fun posts on the anniversaries of each book. Of course, I used this blog to determine most of them, because this has been a diary of sorts throughout the whole publishing journey.

That meant that I found some funny tidbits, one of which I thought I’d share, because I laughed when I read it. It was in a post called ‘Just Keep Writing‘ written in August, 2015, when I was starting to write The Twin Flame Retreat. I had decided that instead of spending so much time trying to market my books, I’d keep writing new ones instead (a realisation I’ve had many times since, still not properly implementing) and then I said this:

Also, my numbers for the Earth Angel series have changed. I am now thinking that there is likely to be thirteen books in the series in total, and if I were to stick to my current formula of publishing one Earth Angel book per year, I figure it will be 2023 before the final book is released. That is just too far away!

Seems I may have been spot on. Because there will be 13 books in total, so far there are 10 novels and the handbook, so book 11 and book 12 (handbook is book 13) will be coming out, and chances are, at this rate, they’ll be coming out next year. In 2023.

So perhaps, like Velvet, I am a Seer. Who has forgotten she can See. Which makes me wonder what else I might have predicted in this blog…

But yes, books 11 and 12 will come. And I promise there won’t be too much longer to wait. I know how frustrating it is to wait for the next book in the series, there’s a book by my favourite author in my teens that I’m still waiting for. It’s ben 22 years. And that’s far too long to wait for the conclusion of a series!

I won’t do that to you. Promise.

Sep 12 2022

You made me ink!

I bought my first tube of copper ink at the end of 2020, around Christmas. And I ain’t gonna lie, it has been my favourite. It finally squeezed its last the other day and I replaced it immediately, knowing I couldnt be without it.

Thought it made a funny meme, summing up my state of mind, but after posting it on its own, it just looked odd. So now I’m writing some weird long-winded explanation which is probably wholly unnecessary and ruining any kind of humour.

Ah well!

Letterpress is my favourite obsession to date, of which there have been many. I will probably post more about printing in the future, hopefully you’ll find it just as interesting as my book posts, recipes and other random ramblings!

Sep 5 2022

Nothing Matters

I ran out of room in my inbox yesterday, and my clients’ emails were bouncing. So I began the mammoth task of deleting some of the eight thousand unread emails.

Several hundred deletes later, and I’d only freed up 2%. So I thought I’d tackle my sent box. I started from the oldest emails, which went back to 2008. But of course, curiosity got the better of me when I spotted one I sent to a friend titled ‘My Life’s Purpose’ so of course I had to open it! And I found the text below:

“I had been writing in my journal that I needed to know why I am here, in this time in this life. And I have to admit, I always assumed that I would find out my life’s purpose through someone else, I don’t know why. I also assumed it was something that was already set, not something we had much say in. Anyway, I read this book, Bringers of Light by Neale donald walsh (convo with god guy) and one of the things he says is: “Life in pointless, and that is Gods greatest gift” AT first the idea depressed me, if there’s no point to life, why bother with anything? But he goes on to explain that we are not assigned a purpose, we may choose one before we get here, that we’ve forgotten about, but ultimately, we CHOOSE. Which means that the only purpose we have in life is the one we choose. So it wasn’t a matter of me finding my life’s purpose, it was a matter of me CHOOSING my life’s purpose. Then of course I was thinking, oh crap, I’m useless at making big decisions! Then the other day, I was sitting outside, crocheting, and I was having conversations in my head as per usual, and in answer to the imaginary questions of what are you going to do in the future, the reply that came to me was: I am not here to drink and party, I am not here to settle down, have kids and a career, I am not here to do what would seem to be the normal thing to do. I am here for you. You are my life’s purpose, you and every other person I encounter along the way. Something i do or say to you might mean something to you, or trigger something in you that changes your life in some way. That is why I am here. And so I figure that if my life’s purpose is in every person that I meet on a daily basis, I am fulfilling my life’s purpose every single day. No matter what I do. And this, I think, is the most amazing part to me. It doesn’t matter what I do in the future, what matters is every person that I come across. I was halfway there in my thinking that I would be happy to live the rest of my life traveling from place to place, meeting new people, bringing people together and imparting whatever thoughts or wisdom I can. This is my life’s purpose. If I do all the ‘normal’ things people do, and settle down and get sucked into the illusion of every day life – work, sleep, tv, eat etc, then I wont be fulfilling my life’s purpose.”

My 24 year old self had some interesting revelations! I shared this on instagram with the photo I found in another 2008 email, this time to my mum, a selfie to show her my new haircut. I was living in New York at the time, so we emailed a lot!

I got a few comments on the post, mostly that people resonated with the message. I guess the reason I’m sharing it here, is because this evening I watched perhaps the strangest movie I’ve ever seen – Everything Everywhere All At Once. And the message in that? Nothing Matters. Do what you want to do. Which is what Neale was saying in his book that I read in 2008.

Nothing matters. In the best way possible. The only meaning things have are the meanings we give them. You make things matter. So what matters to you? What do you choose to give meaning?

It really is up to you.