Empowerment, not blame

There’s a concept in the spiritual/new age beliefs that says that you create your own reality. That whatever is going on in your life – you have chosen or created it, perhaps not on a conscious level, but on a subconscious one.

I do believe this to be true, and I see a lot of people hating this concept, because they think that they are to blame, or at fault for their illness, their bad relationships, their circumstances, or their situation.

But the way I see it, is that if I am responsible for creating what I am currently experiencing, then I am capable of changing it. If I am not responsible, and it is the creation of some outside person, deity or force, then there is absolutely nothing I can do to change it.

I am powerless. I am at the mercy of the whims of the unknown.

So I prefer to see myself as being the creator of my reality. Because I find it empowering to be in control of my own situation. Because even if there is something I cannot change – I can change my perspective of it. I can change my experience of it.

When it comes to health, if there is a dis-ease or issue in my body, I do what I need to do to heal. I change my diet, I see a professional therapist, I change my thoughts, and I nurture and care for myself. I do not blame myself, berate myself, hate my body, fight it and punish it for failing me. Because even though I believe that I created the issue, it doesn’t mean that I consciously wanted that particular illness. It just means that my actions/thoughts/beliefs up to that point created it, so I need to change them in order to heal it.

When it comes to finances, instead of blaming the economy, my job, or taxes, I now look at where I am spending unnecessarily. I look at what I can save, where I can make more money, and learn how to manage it better. I change my beliefs and my thought patterns.

When it comes to relationships, I no longer blame the other person for what is not working. Instead, I go within, turn up the self-love dial, and make sure that I am in complete authenticity with myself and with them. I make changes in my own behaviour.

When we blame, we hurt. When we take responsibility, we heal.

Perspective is everything, and how you see things will be the way you experience them.

What do you think?

Surrender to Wellness…

… rather than fight the illness.

Last night and this morning I have been watching the Heal documentary on Netflix, and then this morning I had a reflexology treatment, during which we were chatting about healing and well-being, and the thought occurred to me that we needed to surrender to wellness, rather than fight the illness.

Because the body only has the ability to heal when it is in a state of rest and relaxation. It cannot heal itself in the fight and flight mode. And let’s be honest, we are in a fight or flight stress mode most of the time. We are always busy, always on the go, always on our phones, always working, always thinking, always worrying… in a constant doing mode.

Then suddenly we get diagnosed with a disease, and what do we do?

We fight it.

We fight this foreign invader in our body. Whether it’s a virus or a malignant growth or whatever. And by fighting it, we actually feed it. We make it stronger. By making it a part of our identity, and our story, we give it life. We make it a whole entity in itself. And we ensure that we will never be free of it. Because that would mean losing part of ourselves.

But what if we surrendered? What if we accepted its presence, and acknowledged that our body is trying to tell us something, and then in a calm, and relaxed manner, began to look at what lies beneath it, what might be causing it. Whether it’s your environment, your diet, the people who are surrounding you, or your thoughts and beliefs and unhealed trauma.

And then we resolve those issues. We change old outdated programming. We lessen the time spent with people who make us feel bad. We change our habits, our diet, and spend more time away from the screen and in nature instead.

There are so many ways to do this. Through complimentary therapies, through meditation and yoga, though EFT, through good conversations with friends. The point is, when you take your well-being and health into your own hands, and take full responsibility for it, you can heal anything.

But most importantly, when you fully and completely relax and rest on a regular basis, you can heal anything.

Your body is amazing, you are amazing, and absolutely anything is possible.

I believe you deserve to be well, do you?


Crossing the Line

I’ve recently been reading books on boundaries. Mostly on the lack of them, and what that creates. This subject interests me because I feel I haven’t got established, healthy boundaries in my life, and I know that it is not having a positive effect on my relationships, my health and my finances. There are many reasons why  people do not have healthy boundaries, and these range from their upbringing to having low self-esteem and self-worth.

In intimate relationships, having no boundaries means that you often find yourself going without what you need or desire, because you have not established clear expectations or rules. And even when you find your unspoken boundaries being crossed, you find it difficult to say anything, and so let it slide. This can create a lot of resentment or anger that will no doubt build up until it comes out in an argument, at which point, your partner will be surprised because they will have been unaware that they had crossed the line or upset you with their behaviour. It can also mean that you allow your partner to do things that you would not normally find acceptable.

In friendships, having no boundaries means that whenever your friends call, you’re available. Whatever time suits them to meet, you’re free for that time. You fit into their schedules, they do not fit into yours. Mainly because people with no boundaries often have no schedules and no routine, so they fit in wherever they need to and go with the flow. While going with the flow can be a good thing, if there is no structure at all, you will find that absolutely nothing will get done.

In health, having no boundaries means that you will accept food you are offered even if you don’t want it, or people will find it acceptable to comment on your diet. Having no routine means that exercise is often not in the picture, and you’re so busy running around catering to everyone else’s needs and demands, that you have no time to take care of yourself properly.

In finances, having no boundaries means you will accept lower rates of pay, or not charge enough for your services, or will be too relaxed on clients when it comes to payments, or being disorganised when it comes to invoices, doing your taxes, or making sure you have enough cash flow. Having no structure means not keeping track of income and outgoings, and getting into debt more easily.

I have had many of the above issues in my life, and it is only recently, becoming aware of my patterns, that I realise I need to make some changes to improve my life in every way. My only issue is this – I haven’t had boundaries for most of my life. I have no idea what it feels like to have boundaries, to express them clearly and to enforce them when needed. I have read a lot about the lack of boundaries and the problems this causes, and even about the actions to take to create new boundaries. But it feels like I would need to have a personality transplant in order to become a person with clear boundaries. I don’t find it easy to create new habits, and to have set routines and structure, so this feels like quite an epic journey to embark on.

I am excited to see what changes from having this awareness, and from making whatever changes I can to ensure I don’t allow my new boundaries to be crossed.

One of my concerns in becoming a person with boundaries is that I may appear to be mean. In that I am likely to say ‘no’ more often, in maintaining my boundaries. I will also be less available and will ask others to fit into my schedule rather than just automatically fitting into theirs. It feels as though there is a fine line between being mean and being sensible, and it is something I am going to have to experiment with over the coming weeks. Many people without boundaries are people-pleasers, wanting to do whatever they can to make others happy and to gain their approval.

If you have any stories to share about this, or if you have any magical suggestions to becoming a boundaried person, I would love for you to comment below!

Do you think it was effortless in the beginning? Do you think I found it easy?  Do you think it all worked out perfectly? Of course not. But I had faith that everything would begin to harmonise, and that it would work out perfectly in the end.

Writing and Publishing Update

I want to share with you a decision I have made in the last few days, which I know won’t make me very popular, but hopefully you will understand…

For the last 5 years that I have been publishing and writing my books, I have published an average of 2 books a year, and I have been putting my calling to write and publish above everything else. Above my health, my finances, and my relationships. In September, my body decided enough was enough and made me focus on it, made me help it to heal, and amazing synchronicities happened in the following couple of months to help me with that, and I feel as though I have more energy now than I ever remember having in my life! 

Over the last five years, I have worked in quite a few different jobs, I have worked on publishing books for others, and I’ve published ten of my own novels – but I haven’t spent much time marketing those books that I have brought into the world. I feel it’s time to press the pause button on writing any more of my own books, and to focus on the precious gifts I have written already. Because by doing so, I will also improve my relationships, as I will then have the time to see my friends and family, and have more fun! Continue reading