Sep 7 2016

The Art of Procrastination

Obviously, this blog post is inspired by the fact that I have been procrastinating on writing this post today. It’s 11.10pm, and though I have seen a friend, run a few errands and done a few bits of work, I have been avoiding writing my blog. Not for a lack of topics (I still have so much to write about the tour, and a whole host of other random things lined up) but for the lack of flow.

What do I mean by that? I mean that when I write, I need to be in the flow, and allow the words to come through me. When I think too much about what to write or how to word something, it just doesn’t work. It feels like I’m fighting with the white page to put marks on it that make sense.

When I’m in the flow, I can knock out a blog post in less than 20 mins. When I’m in the flow I’ve even been known to write a novel in two weeks. But today, has been a no flow. In fact, this has taken me 20 minutes to write so far, because I have been watching the last but one Harry Potter movie instead of concentrating.

So is it better to force the creativity when it isn’t flowing freely? Or is it better to procrastinate and do something else? There are so many schools of thought on this. Some say that you have to be disciplined, and write, or create, or practice every day, regardless of whether you want to or feel inspired. And there are others that say to only create when you feel the urge, the pull the passionate inspiration to.

I’m more in the latter group, usually, but interestingly, even when I force myself to write something, or make myself stick to a schedule, then sometimes, magic does actually happen, even when I’m not in the mood. The only reason I am writing this, even though I don’t feel like it’s flowing, is because I accepted the challenge of writing a blog post a day for 30 days, and I don’t want to let down my friend, Tiffany, who is doing the challenge with me.

But perhaps, someone will read this ramble and realise that they too, only create when in the flow, and that it’s perfectly fine to be that way. But also, it’s good to push ourselves to do things we wouldn’t normally do, because something magical might become of it.

I’m going to stop there, just in case this really is boring. If it is, I apologise, but this is what happens when I’m not in the flow. Next time, I’ll post a recipe! I posted a few recipes during my last 30 day blog challenge, and madly enough, they were the most popular posts! It’s a funny old world…

I was trying to add words to this image, to illustrate the flowing words versus the forced words, and couldn’t come up with anything, so I have just posted the picture instead… apologies for the lack of inspiration today, hope to be back on form tomorrow!

Sep 6 2016

I Hate Learning

I was wasting time in WHSmith the other day, before catching a train, and after perusing the book section (must admit, I look mainly to see what’s is popular on the covers, sad, I know) I moved onto the magazine rack. I saw lots of magazines on cameras, and there was one specifically for Nikon, to teach you how to use your DSLR properly. I thought to myself – that would be a good idea, I would like to know how to use it properly, not just fiddle about with the settings until it looks about right.

Then immediately after that thought, came another one that went along the lines of – How boring to learn how to use my camera from a magazine.

The thought made me stop for a moment, and I realised that yes, if I had bought the magazine, I would probably never read it, and it wouldn’t help me use my camera better. Because actually, I hate learning.

I hated school. I hated reading books of facts or history or data. I tried to go to university. Twice. I hated it. I hate reading lengthy articles, and the only non-fiction I read is generally self-help or spiritual or metaphysical, and even then, if it’s a bit dry or dull, I won’t finish it.

I have been trying for some time to find a course I could do to qualify in something that would give me a job or career that paid well, so I could keep doing my books but not expect the royalties to support me. But there was nothing I could think of, nothing that I could find that I knew I could stick to.

I hate learning.

However, I love discovering.

I love reading stories, novels or blogs that inspire, inform and teach me something – without trying to. I love discovering some new random fact or bit of history that I didn’t know before.

I love to discover new things from movies and TV shows, obviously, much of history in movies is skewed, but that’s okay, I still discover things.

I love to discover new information from talking to friends, from watching TED talks, from being shown how to do something, or being given random advice by a stranger.

It might seem like a bit of a pointless thing to do, to make this definition between learning and discovering, after all, they’re essentially the same thing, but for me, it has been a complete eye-opener. Knowing that I would rather discover something for myself, even if I make mistakes while doing so, rather than being shown or have to read a manual to learn – is a huge realisation for me.

I can stop looking for courses now. I can stop pretending I will ever get a boring qualification to do something sensible. Instead, I will seek new opportunities to discover new things, try new things, and allow myself to play and figure things out. I plan to visit a friend who is an awesome photographer, to get some tips on using my camera better, and how to get specific shots I really want to get.

What about you? Do you love to learn? Or would you rather discover?

Sep 5 2016

Where Do Our Ambitions Come From?

This post wasn’t on my list to write, but I just had a realisation about twenty minutes ago, which I needed to write about.

Do you know where your ambitions came from? Do you know why you wanted to do the work you do? Have the relationships you have? Why you love some things and hate others? Most people would say that our conditioning and programming comes mostly from our family and from teachers and friends who are around us when we’re growing up. That’s why we end up dating replicas of our parents, because it’s what we know.

Well I just realised that my desire to have my own business, and my love of stationery and packing up goods into boxes and sending them out, came from a movie.

Yes, that’s right. A movie. And they say that media doesn’t have that much impact on us? The movie was my favourite, I have no idea how many times I watched it, but I know it was many times. It was called Baby Boom. It was about a high-powered business woman who ends up with a baby girl after her cousin dies, and who ends up leaving her job in New York and moving to Vermont, where she ends up starting her own baby food business.

Thinking about it, that may have been the beginning of my love of New York and New England too…

Anyway, my favourite parts of the movie were when her business is taking off and she is sending out jars of the baby food in brown boxes with the custom Country Baby label on them. I remember being fascinated by the idea of running a business, and I remember wanting to do that myself.

Now of course, I may have still wanted to do that, whether I had watched that movie or not, but it makes you wonder if it wasn’t that movie that planted the seed in my mind.

Was my interest in aliens and ghosts started by watching Ghostbusters, Beetlejuice, ET and Ghost? Was my love of fantasy and sci-fi started by watching the Goonies, the Neverending Story, Hook or Back to the Future? Was it all the many movies I watched set in America that created my love of the US and created my desire to visit there and even live there?

I have no way of knowing the answers to those questions, but it does make you wonder how much of our lives are shaped by the media that we consume at a young age, and it makes me wonder how kids now will turn out in years to come, with the sheer volume of media they are exposed to. A few 80s and 90s movies are nothing compared to the movies, TV shows, games and YouTube videos that are available to watch now.

Just something to ponder, I didn’t have any conclusion to make from this realisation, I just wanted to share it! And if you’re wondering why I suddenly has this realisation, it’s because Baby Boom is currently on Netflix!

Sep 4 2016

My Demons are My Muses

I’ve been having some interesting conversations, and reading books and watching movies and taking part in classes about the subject of stories. The stories we are living. The stories we are telling. The stories we are believing. And it’s brought up some interesting things for me, as a writer, a storyteller, and creator of fictional worlds.

I am aware that the stories we tell and that we believe, create the world we live in. When we repeat the same refrain over and over, about who we are, and what we are and are not capable of – it becomes our reality. It becomes our truth, and we will tell it to whoever will listen.

We create our pain, our struggle, our drama – all by what we say. Out loud and in our minds.

I know, that I have all the tools I need to slay all of my demons and create a harmonious, abundant, joyful life. But I don’t use the tools, I don’t put things into practice, I don’t slay my demons and create that life. Why?

Because my demons are my muses.

My darkest moments have created the most powerful scenes in my books. My lowest points have yielded my best poetry. My expression of the depths of my despair have reached people, connected with people, resonated with people, who are in that very same place. And in those connections, those people have realised something crucial.

They are not alone.

There is hope.

If the character can experience the same pain, the same struggle, the same pitch dark night of the soul – and survive it – then those people can too.

I know that I don’t need to experience something to write about it. There is much I have written about that I have not yet experienced, and perhaps never will. But I do know that when I have experienced something, and when I write even in the moment I am still experiencing it, those words are what connect with people in the deepest possible way.

And so, my demons are my muses.

Of course, being aware of this means that I don’t have to dwell in those dark spaces. I don’t have to give my demons any more airtime than necessary. Instead, I can live with them. And isn’t that what it’s all about? Becoming friends with our shadows? Accepting every part of our selves – the good and the bad, the light and the dark? If I were to slay my demons, and live purely in the light, I may as well be on the other side in heaven, and not a human on this planet.

The point of being human is not to slay the demons, but to understand them. To listen to them. And to let them help you to help others.

So tell your stories. Live your stories. Believe your stories. But know that you have the power to change the story whenever you choose. You are creating your experience, your life, with your story, and by understanding and befriending your demons, you can create an even more powerful story, that could help others.

Sep 3 2016

Living on the Edge

The first city we visited on our trip to Canada and the States this summer, was Toronto. Somehow, we were not feeling jet-lagged, and after waking up at 6am on the Monday morning, we decided to head into the city, and see some sights. I visited Toronto nearly 20 years ago, when I was visiting my best friend. She lived in the city for three years when we were teenagers. So I had been up the CN Tower, but I loved it, especially the glass floor! So Mum and I headed there, and went up the tower. There was a new feature, whereby you could actually be harnessed up and hang off the edge of the outside of the tower. Of course, that did not appeal to either of us in the slightest! Instead, we enjoyed lunch overlooking the city, and took a zillion photos, and lay down on the glass floor.

Afterwards, we left the tower and took a zillion more photos from underneath it. I was playing around with my big lens, and realised something. I could see a tiny person hanging off the edge of the tower.

My first thought was – what a nutter! Why on earth would you hang off the edge of the CN Tower? Why would you pay a lot of money to hang off the edge of the CN Tower? Then I realised that actually, when I was 13 years old, and I was jumping up and down on the glass floor, over a thousand feet in the air, I felt amazing. Like I could do anything. And if I felt like that standing safely inside on the glass floor, how amazing must it be to hang off the very edge, with no net, just a strap holding you onto the building.

I imagine that after that, things seem easy. I had the same invincible feeling after doing a firewalk in 2013. I was utterly terrified, but I felt so amazing afterwards. Like I could tackle anything.

More people joined the person on the edge, each putting their arms out wide, like they were flying. I took this photo of the five of them, and indeed, if this picture is of you, I have lots more pictures, so get in touch and I’ll send them to you! (It was May 16th, at 1:50pm)

What about you? Is there something you have done that has made you feel like you could handle anything from that point onwards? Is there something that terrifies you that you wish you could do? Maybe you have done the CN Tower thing, if so, let me know what it was like!

Sep 2 2016

Crossing the Line

I’ve recently been reading books on boundaries. Mostly on the lack of them, and what that creates. This subject interests me because I feel I haven’t got established, healthy boundaries in my life, and I know that it is not having a positive effect on my relationships, my health and my finances. There are many reasons why people do not have healthy boundaries, and these range from their upbringing to having low self-esteem and self-worth.

In intimate relationships, having no boundaries means that you often find yourself going without what you need or desire, because you have not established clear expectations or rules. And even when you find your unspoken boundaries being crossed, you find it difficult to say anything, and so let it slide. This can create a lot of resentment or anger that will no doubt build up until it comes out in an argument, at which point, your partner will be surprised because they will have been unaware that they had crossed the line or upset you with their behaviour. It can also mean that you allow your partner to do things that you would not normally find acceptable.

In friendships, having no boundaries means that whenever your friends call, you’re available. Whatever time suits them to meet, you’re free for that time. You fit into their schedules, they do not fit into yours. Mainly because people with no boundaries often have no schedules and no routine, so they fit in wherever they need to and go with the flow. While going with the flow can be a good thing, if there is no structure at all, you will find that absolutely nothing will get done.

In health, having no boundaries means that you will accept food you are offered even if you don’t want it, or people will find it acceptable to comment on your diet. Having no routine means that exercise is often not in the picture, and you’re so busy running around catering to everyone else’s needs and demands, that you have no time to take care of yourself properly.

In finances, having no boundaries means you will accept lower rates of pay, or not charge enough for your services, or will be too relaxed on clients when it comes to payments, or being disorganised when it comes to invoices, doing your taxes, or making sure you have enough cash flow. Having no structure means not keeping track of income and outgoings, and getting into debt more easily.

I have had many of the above issues in my life, and it is only recently, becoming aware of my patterns, that I realise I need to make some changes to improve my life in every way. My only issue is this – I haven’t had boundaries for most of my life. I have no idea what it feels like to have boundaries, to express them clearly and to enforce them when needed. I have read a lot about the lack of boundaries and the problems this causes, and even about the actions to take to create new boundaries. But it feels like I would need to have a personality transplant in order to become a person with clear boundaries. I don’t find it easy to create new habits, and to have set routines and structure, so this feels like quite an epic journey to embark on.

I am excited to see what changes from having this awareness, and from making whatever changes I can to ensure I don’t allow my new boundaries to be crossed.

One of my concerns in becoming a person with boundaries is that I may appear to be mean. In that I am likely to say ‘no’ more often, in maintaining my boundaries. I will also be less available and will ask others to fit into my schedule rather than just automatically fitting into theirs. It feels as though there is a fine line between being mean and being sensible, and it is something I am going to have to experiment with over the coming weeks. Many people without boundaries are people-pleasers, wanting to do whatever they can to make others happy and to gain their approval.

If you have any stories to share about this, or if you have any magical suggestions to becoming a boundaried person, I would love for you to comment below!

Sep 1 2016

All Aboard the Hogwarts Express!

Greetings Muggle!

I had planned to do a blog series about my recent trip to the US and Canada this summer, and then a friend and I challenged each other to doing the 30 day blog challenge again (I did it in January 2015, and it was fun!) so it seemed like a good idea to do the series throughout September. I had also planned to do the series in chronological order, but because I am a bit (ahem) of a Harry Potter fan, and it’s the 1st September, it only seemed right to blog about our trip to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter in LA.

I visited the theme park in Florida in 2012, so I had an idea of what to expect, but it was still so very magical! There were new features in the LA park, which were a lot of fun! Despite her reluctance to go, Mum had a great time too!

This will mostly be a photo post, but I also want to share some of the things that happened. If you have yet to visit and you plan to soon, feel free to skip this post, I don’t want to give too much away!

The conductor of the Hogwarts Express was really quite chatty, and when I mentioned I wrote books he suggested I check out books by Newt Scamander… I really love how everyone who works at the Wizarding World of Harry Potter is in character! I also love the soundtrack music being piped out throughout, it really does make you feel like you’re strolling through Hogsmeade on a day trip from Hogwarts. Speaking of Hogsmeade, I love Honeydukes, the Owl Post and the wonky chimneys!

We went on the Hogwarts ride, and Mum didn’t like it at all! I loved it, and found that if you don’t mind skipping the stuff inside the castle, and you’re riding alone with no stuff, you can skip the queue and basically go straight on the ride! While Mum watched the Durmstrang and Beauxbatons perform, I went on the ride another three times in quick succession!

We of course had to have Butterbeer in the Hog’s Head. The frozen version is still so much better than the drink version! (Take note, Warner Bros Harry Potter Studio Tour!)

There’s so much more to share from our magical day, and soooo many more photos, so I will do another part to this post in the next few days!

Happy September 1st!

Jan 30 2015

Passion That Can Start Fires

First of all, this is the final post in my 30 Day Blogging Challenge – can I get a high-five?? I did miss a day, but blogged twice the following day to make up for it. So in 30 days, I have posted 30 times. And do you know what? I really thoroughly enjoyed it. (I sincerely hope you did too, I hope the daily emails weren’t too irritating!)

I will probably blog more often from now on, but probably not every day! It’s been a good challenge to come up with something relevant every day, and even though I made a list of 30 things to blog about before I started, I’ve only used a fraction of those ideas.

Today’s post was inspired by a beautiful friend of mine, Miranda, by my circumstances this week, and by the book I’ve been reading for the last two weeks (took me longer than my normal book a week goal), which is The Firestarter Sessions by Danielle LaPorte.

I want to talk about passion. And crazy ambition.

I’ve been struggling to understand why anyone would prioritise their work and their to-do list over having a meaningful relationship, and last night, when I finished reading the last few chapters of Danielle’s book, I finally understood. I had an ‘aha’ moment, you could say.

For too long now, I have bought into the ‘myth of balance’, as Danielle calls it. You know, where you fill in the wheel of life, and see how unbalanced your life is, and how bumpy the ride will be. I filled in an online one, and my wheel looks something like this:

Wow. Seriously out of whack, you could would say. Or is it? I know these kinds of exercises are useful to see what areas could use improvement and a bit of attention, but in Danielle’s Firestarter Sessions, she makes the very important point that when you have a crazy ambition, sometimes you have to cut out and ignore anything that doesn’t help you achieve it. Which means your life will be unbalanced. You can see from my wheel, that all my focus is on my career right now, which is my writing and publishing, and in order to focus on that, I have not been working in a regular job and my finances are not good (though I am getting things sorted now). And in my crazy, working all hours to make things happen mode – I don’t take much time out to have lots of fun, and I do try to keep healthy, but that often slides too when I’m in mission mode.

And as I’ve come to realise this week, when you’re trying to have a relationship with someone who is on a mission, and who believes in your mission, then sometimes having an intense relationship is not a good thing. It’s a distraction. It’s going to derail us from our missions. And I have finally come to accept that in order to pursue what we are passionate about, it means going our separate ways.

I’ve realised that when I really put myself into gear, I can achieve so much. I thought that publishing two books a year was a lot. That it was a big goal. After writing and publishing a book in less than 3 months last year, and writing another book during that same time in just two weeks, I have come to realise that actually, I have been really quite slack.

I am an author. I write books. It has literally been all I wanted to do since I was eight years old. So to only actually write anything for a couple of months out of the year seems crazy. How will I hone my writing skills that way? How will I produce enough material to keep my readers happy? How will I publish enough books to make a living from them?

By putting everything I have into it. By giving myself permission to stop trying to balance my life. There has been this pervading myth that women can ‘have it all’. Husband, kids, career, home etc. But do you know what? Dividing all your energy equally between those things is impossible. If you do manage to, you become exhausted. Sometimes, you really do need to just focus on one thing at a time. Yes, you will upset people, no, it might not always be convenient. But sometimes, it’s totally necessary.

So for 2015, I’ve set myself some pretty big writing goals, because this is the year of focussing on my career. I will try to have fun along the way, but for too long now, I have lacked passion and real commitment to my purpose. I want to wake up every day, desperate to get some words onto the page, and eager to get my books out into the world. I want to experience a passion every day that can start fires.

Not only will I be a firewalker, I will be a firestarter too!

Me and my fellow firewalker 🙂

Jan 29 2015

Recap of Basket Brigade 2014

To make up for missing a post yesterday, as I was distracted, I wanted to post a second time today (apologies to those whose inboxes are getting filled up, the 30 Day Blogging Challenge is very nearly over, I promise!)

It was Yes Group in London yesterday, which I wasn’t able to attend, but they posted this video of the Basket Brigade day that I took part in just before Christmas. Here it is:

http://youtu.be/X1TaNuOSdZw

It was a fabulous day, and I would recommend getting involved this coming Christmas. Another wonderful organisation, which is run by the amazing Anita who used to run Basket Brigade, is Anita’s Angels. They distributed bagfuls of items to homeless people all around London in December, they are distributing red roses to people in elderly care homes and at Easter they’re distributing Easter Eggs to children who would go without. Check it out, and if you can, take part. And if you can’t take part, they love donations.

Acts of kindness are what make life worth living.

Just my opinion.

Jan 29 2015

Time to Walk Away

Dear Twin Flames,

I know it’s been a while since I wrote to you, I’m sorry. I have been so caught up in my own stuff, my own dramas, that I have neglected you, I do hope you can forgive me.

Today’s letter is not a happy one I’m afraid. Today’s letter is to tell you that you do not need to keep breaking your heart over and over. That you do not need to suffer any more.

This letter is to tell you that it’s time to let go. It’s time to move on. You are far too beautiful, far too important to be hurting like this. Because the pain is stopping you from shining. It’s holding you back.

Do not hold yourself back any longer. If your Flame repeatedly pushes you away, then they simply cannot see your magnificence, they cannot understand how incredible you are.

And until they decide to change their old beliefs, they will continue to pull you in then push you away.

As difficult as it is, it is time for you to say – ‘no more.’

The cycle must end. And you must end it. So when you leave, and the time comes when they reach out, wanting you back, you must say no. You must put yourself first. Otherwise you cannot hope to pursue your mission, your reason for being here.

Perhaps, one day, they will finally understand. Perhaps, one day, a reunion, a wholehearted, harmonious reunion will be possible.

But until then, you have to let go.

It will hurt like hell. But I can promise you this – staying in the cycle will hurt more.

And know that when the pain feels like too much – the angels are with you, always, keeping you safe.

You are so very loved, beautiful Flame. Do not let this pain extinguish your spark.

Sending you so much love and light,

Michelle